How Malaysian are you?

It’s been a rather cold morning here in Sheffield despite reports of UK having a ‘heatwave’. I ask myself, ‘What is a heatwave?’ The weather forecast too reports that there will be thunder storms later in the day…and the current temperature feels like 16 Degrees Celcius. So, what is a ‘heatwave’?

Browsing through my ‘Bulletin Board’ on Friendster, I was hit by this question: How Malaysian are you? This is followed by a list of questions and a list of my honest answers:-

HOW MALAYSIAN ARE YOU?

1. How much is satu kupang?

2. Where’s the favourite spot to take wedding pictures in Taiping?

3. In what dialect is Apo Nak Di Kato?

4. Name at least five variations of roti canai.

5. What is the staple food of native Sarawakians?

6. Name a popular Malay ointment made from “cucumber”?

7. Name the sauce made from fish or shrimp that the Kelantanese love.

8. What does pi mai pi mai tang tu mean?

9. Which fruit is Ipoh famous for?

10. What is the English name for putu mayam?

11. “Lah” is to Peninsular Malaysians as”…”

12. What does ABC stand for?

13. How long is a sari?

14. Name Penang’s famous beach.

15. How do you order coffee mixed with tea at a kopitiam?

16. What’s on Malaysian TV at 8pm?

17. On one side of our RM1 coin is the bunga raya, what’s on the other?

18. Now, what’s on a 10 cents coin, then?

19. What was the name of the KL Commonwealth Games 1998 mascot?

20. When you fill in a form, if you’re not Malay, Chinese or Indian, you are…?

21. Who is Malaysia’s favourite Kampung Boy?

22. How did the word “gostan” come about?

23. Lobo’s Whispers in the Wind is the English version of which famous Malay song?

24. When did Malaysia last win the Thomas Cup?

25. What is the name of our national flag?

26. If you want 4D numbers, who do you consult?

27. What’s the name of the Malaysian-made 175cc motorbike?

28. Name our national bird.

29. If the father is a baba, and the mother is a nyonya, the what is the son?


My answers:-

1. What is kupang??
2. I have no clue!
3. please refer to answer No. 2
4. Roti Telur, Roti Banana, Roti Sardin, Roti Bom, Roti Hawaii (my favourite!)
5. Rice?
6. Minyak Cap *oh gosh!! What’s cucumber in Malay?*
7. Please consult Darren Teo of Kelantan
8. I’m answering this with extreme pride: Pergi mari pergi mari tidak tentu !!!!!
9. Durian?
10. No freaking idea!
11. please refer to previous answer
12. Air Batu Cachang! *Cachang is Kacang with a ‘C’, of course!*
13. At least 6 metres!
14. Hello~!!! People go to Penang for the FOOD not the beach right?!?!!?
15. If Nescafe with Milo is Neslo, then Nescafe with tea will be Nestea?
16. Berita
17. Keris
18. The new 10 cent coin bears a congkak!!
19. I’mAFreakingOrangUtan?
20. Lain-Lain!!!!
21. Darren Teo? (FYI: He’s my Uni classmate) =D heeehehehee…
22. Don’t know..but it means reverse right?
23. Please refer to answer no. 2
24. 1998?
25. Bendera Malaysia <-- Somehow, I feel this answer is not-so-correct
26. My uncle…he buys lots of it!
27. BMX
28. Burung Kakak Tua! They even have a song for it!!
29. boy-boy / ah boy / ah jai?


Upon completion of this questionnaire, I believe I’m a true anak Malaysia. Bangga demi Negara!
=Þ¦lt;P>

Malaysia v England

Got this from Sarah aka aNGeLnEsS

PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS ARTICLE. I REPEAT, PLEASE NOTE THAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS ARTICLE. I DONT WANT SOME IDIOT COME SCREWING ME FOR THIS.

Malaysian English VS Briton’s

Who says our English is teruk (bad). Just see below – Ours is simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare thesephrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing:

So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are on a long distance call. Make it snappy.

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kews

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (while pointing at door) Can or not?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you’re coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

Just being a Malaysian

ATTN: NOTE THAT I DID NOT WRITE THIS ARTICLE. GOT THIS FROM A FORWARDED MAIL

Just being a Malaysian

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms. So they rushed into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack,any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION: Pineapple
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Stout. Many swear by it. But after a few pints they start swearing at everything…
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN): Food Poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN): Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early appointment, food not digested yet, aircond not cold enough, aircond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill, sleepy,stomach cramps, period, haven’t remove make-up, haven’t shower, no water supply, going to watch “Santa Barbara”, depress, no mood, etc…
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: None. Malaysian men never refuse sex. (oh ya??)
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES: Panadol. The “cure for all”. If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): The sight of a police road block.
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME: Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4! On second thoughts, why bother pronouncing stupid French brands like Peugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better,when the local mechanics say “Pew Jeot”. When I was in school, Milo was always ‘Mee Lo’, now that I’m sophisticated, I say “My Lo”. So don’t be embarassed saying “Carry 4” when the Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounce orang utan as “rangutan”.
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION: The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when a bra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes bouncing about on the streets.

Malaysians vs. Americans ….in Geography

Today, I went for my second class in Hawaiian studies at Kamakakuokalani Building (kamaka-ko-ka-kolani) quite interesting…except the teacher said “umm..” 67 times..couldn’t concentrate properly on her teaching cuz I was counting the amount of “umms..”. Dang.

Anyway, today I met some new American friends. Seriously…their geography sux.

Me: Hi, I’m Kim..and you are?
XXX: Hi, I’m XXX. Nice to meet you. Where are you from?
Me: I’m from Malaysia
XXX: Malaysia?..err…where’s that?
Me: err..(silence)…next to Singapore….?….?..?
XXX: OoOoOH!..Singapore!..I see…I see…(2 minutes later) err..where’s that?..in the pacific ocean?
Me : ….

Sigh…and XXX is not the first.

Bank charges

I remember when i was in primary school. Maybank sent representative to my school to encourage the primary school students to save. The slogan the bank used at that time was “Sikit sikit lama lama jadi bukit” (Save bit bit, it will become a hill eventually). I opened a bank account with them, thinking that i might be rich if keep up the habit. But now the bank who taught me the value of saving has turn their back on me. They started to charge me for all their services, for no fucking reason. To get a clearer view of the whole issue, Claudia Theophilus wrote an article in Malaysiakini

The Domestic Trade and Consumer Affairs Ministry wants banks to furnish it with details of the service charges they are currently imposing on customers. Deputy Minister S Veerasingam said the ministry had made the request to all the banks two months ago following numerous complaints about the increasing number of charges that were being imposed for various online as well as over-the-counter transactions.

“Although we have so far only received verbal complaints, we have acted on it by asking the banks to give the full detail on the type of charges they are imposing on customers,” he told malaysiakini yesterday.

“In fact, many were totally unaware of these charges until later, when they realised that small amounts were being debited from their accounts.”

He said one of the complaints involved a third party who wanted to cash a cheque and was shocked when told to pay a RM2 service charge.

“This does not happen if the cheque is cashed personally by the account holder.”

Promptly and seriously only one or two banks have responded so far, said Veerasingam. He hoped the rest would come in soon.

“This is something that Bank Negara must look into promptly and very seriously.”

None of the central bank officials could be reached for comment.
Effective Dec 20, Maybank will start imposing a RM12 annual subscription fee for customers using its Internet banking facility, Maybank2u.com, where an upgraded posting explains the service charge.

The Maybank2u website states that fees and commissions are levied on various products and services provided by Maybank. The move has prompted hundreds of protest e-mails to the Maybank Group Contact Centre whose response has been a standard format e-mail to all customers, regardless of their queries or suggestions. An online petition is currently making its rounds via e-mails asking the Malaysian, Singaporean and Filipino customers of the country’s largest banking group to show the power of consumers by signing it before Dec 19. Don’t remain silent

Referring to the latest charge by Maybank2u.com to be imposed, the petition said it was ridiculous to pay service charges for “keeping our money in your bank”.

“You (Maybank) use our money to invest in your projects. You give us minimal interest, and you ask us to pay for using services that are given free by other banks!” read the petition, partly in English and Bahasa Malaysia.

The protest note also claimed that Maybank was the only bank to charge 50 sen for withdrawing “our own money” at the ATM for every withdrawal exceeding four times a month.

In Bahasa Malaysia, the note expressed regret that customers did not protest against the 50 sen charge when it was first imposed a few months ago.

“If we continue to remain silent, I’m sure the banks will impose more charges on us in the future.

“It is because we had failed to protest previously that this is happening now. Come, let’s act. Enough is enough!” the petition concludes.

“Let’s teach them (a lesson) by clicking on the ‘reject’ option on the subscription page in protest of their new terms.”

The petition ends with a call to all Malaysians to show their consumer power by uniting behind this one issue.

Sometimes, i wonder if the bank care about us, the consumer. As my friend put it “Every businessman will try to cheat money off the consumer no matter how ethical they are”. Isn’t the Bank suppose to be our most trusted business companion?

The Rotiboy phenomenon

I’m a big fan of Rotiboy, a well-known brand name for Mexican Bun. My friends and my dad are a fan of it too. It started off in Kuala Lumpur in the early 2001 and within 2 years, it has 8 outlets and even provides a delivery service!

The founder was an unemployed university graduate. So he decided to start a bakery selling Mexican bun (the recipe was the brainchild of his sister). According to dad, when he first started in Wisma Central, he sells about 300 buns a day (It was RM1.30 per piece). And now, according to an interview of the founder, he sells about 10, 000 to 20, 000 buns a day (RM1.50 per piece). Hence that would be 7 million Ringgit sales a year!

As predicted, copycats mushroomed. There is even a Mexican bun stall at my usual seafood pork noodles shop (some shitty place with good food). Rotiboy has issued a warning to customers to be aware of imitation.

Eat until can CUM aaah!!!!