Secret Admirer for Life

Dear Bimbobum,
Do you think I’m a coward? I’ve liked this guy for months and at the beginning, he showed some interest in me – I was ecstatic! So I thought I’d be brave and gradually dropped hints about liking him. He didn’t run away, so I thought it was a good sign.
That was last year. This year, he has gradually stopped paying me attention and I didn’t know what else to do. I think he has lost interest, but I am not too sure. Because of his current lukewarm interest in me, I have stopped approaching him and only talk to him occasionally, just to curb my interest.
However, I think I still like him. I THINK he still likes me, too! I read his blog, and I secretly believe that his words have secret meanings and may be referring to me. He still likes me, right??
But I don’t know what to do, apart from being brutally honest – calling him up for coffee and telling him that I like him.
I don’t want to go crazy assuming that he still likes me without finding out the truth, and I don’t want to go on being a secret admirer for life! It sucks! It’s miserable!
What do you think?
secret admirer for life.

Dear crazy secret admirer for life,
Firstly, I don’t think you’re a coward. I think you’re just unsure of yourself and his feelings towards you. It was good when he showed his interest in you, but at this moment, you don’t even know where you stand!
Secondly, it is really not healthy to be living life based on assumptions. You THINK he still likes you by reading his blog. That’s a dangerous thing to do, in case you’re wrong. In case you are right, then he’s a coward for not being honest with you, too.
Thirdly, when you say you don’t want to go on being a secret admirer for life, you have to be sure of your motives: why do you want to tell him how you feel? is it because your feelings are really strong, or you just want to get it off your chest and whether or not he responds in kind, you’re not bothered? Think.
Calling him up for coffee for a casual chat, testing the waters is the easiest thing to do at this moment. Then, you’ll probably know whether you’re ready to tell him the truth. 😉
After all, it seems like you’ve been torturing yourself for the past few months assuming things.
Is he attached, by the way?
love, b-bum.

9 thoughts on “Secret Admirer for Life”

  1. i believe if he really likes you, he will call you, ask you out, do anything to make you happy. he will not make you feel frustrated (like this) knowing that you will go away if he continues to be vague and reserved like this.
    bottomline: he’s just not that into you.
    save all the headache and useless unnoticed efforts and seek love in other more worthy men.

  2. what’s so great about being a secret admirer for life? won’t you have regrets and secret heartaches for not taking a chance, but instead, accuse the person for not giving you a chance and be bitter about it, when the person doesn’t even know you exist?
    assuming things are for better or for worse is never a good thing, either keep quiet and die with it or be thick-skinned and honest.

  3. agree with bimbo. Take a step forward, he might have reasons behind for not doing so, you can’t read his mind for all you know he might be clouded with other thoughts. Be brave and approach him, cos it is better to be hurt knowing that he doesn’t like you than making assumptions for the rest of your life that hurts an eternity.
    Don’t repeat my mistake. Only to know after 5 years of assumptions that she liked me from the start and she’s going to get married soon. It hurts like hell. She still carries this emotion till this day and so do i, the only thing that separates us would be her marriage.
    “Love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who’ll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart.”
    Meet Joe Black

  4. hrmm, what if the guy doesnt know what he wants?Some guys are shy to make the 1st step.
    My opinion:-Don’t just kept quiet and secretly admire the guy, give it a try I would say, if you give it a try, atleast u get the answer from the guy, if not, u will nvr know how he think about u.
    Good Luck ^.^

  5. there are 2 kinds of male specimen.
    Number 1: Your no brainer
    He doesn’t bother what your response will be if he has feelings for u. He will pursue you until he gets a total no, never in my life answer, or OK i’ll give you a chance.
    Number 2: Think too much
    He thinks…will she like me? Won’t she like me? I don’t know…Shy la…*bLush*…duno la…balls shrink la…and never makes a move..
    If you know which type he is…then u can take your appropriate action based on that.

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