Over the years, the Malaysian government has been pushing our fellow Malaysians to break into the international market to gain international recognition. Many have adhered to the government’s calls including one Pak Long who emailed me today.
Pak Long recently has ventured into E-business, setting up his traditional aphrodisiac online! And of all domain names, he chose.. stiffandhard.com … WTF!!!
Some of his products were hilariously described:-
AIR PINANG MUDA
To be used to cure PREMATURE EJACULATION without the heatiness associated with Gambir Sarawak.
To use, just take a few drops and rub it on the penis head at least 10 minutes before sex. Remember to wash first if you plan to have oral sex.
RM 16.00 / PER BOTTLE
WARISAN SUPER SPRAY
This spray is made from extracts of the best products of the east. Just a single spray for this 2 amazing functions which is to help delay ejaculation and enlarges the penis head.
To use, just SPRAY ONLY ONCE on the penis head at least 10 minutes before sex.
RM 35.00 / PER BOTTLE
And, he has also found the secret of the ancient emperor of China!
The secret of the ancient emperor of China!
Every time you make love, you ejaculate too fast and your partner is not satisfied?
Do you want your penis to be extremely hard – harder than ever!! Before you make love, so that your partner feels exasperated and grip it as hard as she could?
Do you want to delay your orgasm? So that your partner is free to explore many different types of position – until she is EXTREMELY SATISFIED.
Do you want to increase your sex drive? So that your partner’s slight touch on your penis is able to bring it up…. As hard as a rock?
Do you want to increase your penis strength? So that it is stiff with visible veins just like the bodybuilders?
Do you want to increase your semen velocity? So that your partner feel extremely ticklish when her vagina feels the rushing gush of your sperm?
Do you want to avoid premature ejaculation so that your partner will forever remember the strength of your penis?
Do you want your penis head to expand whenever you have an erection? So your partner will scream in delight?
Do you want to break up the fats and wind trapped within your penis tissue so that it will increase blood flow around the penis and thus making you ready all the time?!
Do you want to increase your penis strength and increase blood flow around your penis tissue without the use of pills which may give you harmful side effects?
RM 80.00 / PER SET ( 2 BOTTLES)
The traditional Malay aphrodisiac business has been around for many, many years. I’ve heard many stories about how people were prescribed with certain aphrodisiacs to be able to improve their sexual performance. For example, Tongkat Ali. However, some of these aphrodisiacs have been abused by many especially the Spanish Fly (Note this is not a Malay traditional aphrodisiac). The stories about the abuse of Spanish Fly are horrendous. Girls beware, try not to accept drinks from strangers. Even the guy who makes drinks for you at the mamak cannot be completely trusted.
When I was younger (around 15 years old), Umeng and I befriended R, a guy who worked in a mamak stall. His job was to make drinks for customers. He was a friendly man of 30s. Every time we visited to his stall, he would sit with us to chat and he would sometimes tell us stories of his sexcapades. Many of them being his customers.
Being a young boy of 15 years old, I was fascinated on how this man who worked in a mamak stall got to sleep around with so many of his customers of all ages. From school girls to working class women. Every time his customers came to his store to have a drink, they would end up at his apartment or her apartment to have sex.
He was so good at his stories until one day Umeng and I bought him condoms for his birthday. Umeng and I were almost idolizing him!
Of course, I was very curious with what kind of tactic he used to get all these girls. I thought he had a honey laced mouth and girls would be easily persuaded by his sweet words.
Like any students who wanted to learn from a master, I asked him many, many questions and until one day, he confessed to me that he used a certain liquid to attract those girls. All he did was dropped a few drops in their drinks and thereafter it’s “my place or your place, bang bang bang, byebye”.
Being a young boy of 15 years old, I had no idea what he was talking about and as time went by, Umeng and I stopped hanging out at his mamak and thereafter lost contact with R. Then years later, I realised that the certain liquid could be the Spanish Fly (or something equivalent), an aphrodisiac that would arouse women. I then realised that R has been spiking his female customers’ drinks with aphrodisiac so that he could have sex with them.
How disgusting. How how disgusting. It was too late when I realised the truth. R was nowhere to be found and I don’t know any of his victims.
If my presumption is right, the only place to seek retribution now is Hell. May you burn in hell R. The dungeon of infinite castration awaits you.