Author: bimbobum

Have you had desperate suitors before who wouldn’t leave you alone in peace? They couldn’t get the hint, could they, that you weren’t interested in them? Now www.xes.cx tells you how to get rid of them – easy peasy!
Assuming you know they’re interested in you, or you have an inkling that they are interested:
1. Use that dreaded words, “You are like a brother/sister to me. You know that, don’t you?”
If they say that they don’t want to be a brother/sister to you, insist. “Aww, you see that? That’s what I like about you, you really are a brother/sister to me!”
Doesn’t make sense, I know, but damn it, you want him/her to get the hint, albeit gently. Repeat this on a daily basis.
2. Avoid going out with him/her just the both of you. You never know, he/she may think that you’re casually dating for the time being. Have group activities, if possible, and sit away from the person. Cruel? I don’t think so.
3. Answering sms and phone calls. Always act busy. Have an excuse in hand everytime he/she asks you out. No, that, “I can’t, I’m sorry. My dog is sick.” cannot be used on a daily basis. Use excuses like, “Oh, I’m going out with so and so later on. Can’t cancel last minute, sorry.” or “Hey, I’ll talk to you later, I’m going out now!” are plausible.
Just be sure to hang up immediately for the latter excuse. ;P
“I’m tired” is good, too. Polite people do not force tired friends to chat on the phone, unless they’re really desperate to hear your voice.
OR – get someone else to answer the phone, should you be out with friends. Pretend you’re at the loo or somewhere else.
4. Insult him/her at every opportunity. “OMG, you’re so f*cking fat!”
Cruel, but what the heck, you can’t stand him/her staring at you like a lovesick puppy whenever both of you are out with friends, can you?
5. Whine at every opportunity. “I’m not ready for a relationship. Seriously.”
Of course, if you’re seen with a new beau a few weeks later, say you’ve changed your mind.
6. Be direct. Ask, “Are you interested in me? I seem to have the feeling that you do.”
If the answer is in the positive, reply, “But I’m not. See ya!”
If it’s in the negative, “Phew! Thank goodness. I was worried it would ruin our friendship.” and go on and on about how wonderful he/she is as a good friend.
Personally, I go for #4 most of the time because sometimes they are so damn thick skinned and can’t seem to get the hint when I use #2, #3 and $5. #4 is usually my last resort. ;P
If you have better excuses, tell me!

I’ve decided to be a talk show host. How difficult can it be, to have my own talk show?

I don’t like channel surfing and coming across talk shows hosted by celebrities, e.g. Oprah, David Letterman, Tyra Banks, etc. OK, David Letterman isn’t that bad, but the ones for women ………. o_O
The non-celebrity guests come on tv to air their dirty laundry. Who the hell cares that she stole her best friend’s boyfriend 3 years ago and now feels bad, so please put her on air so she can publicly apologise to her ex-best friend? Or that he doesn’t understand why he’s mistreating his wife so they’d like to talk about their problems in front of the whole wide world and gain sympathy from Oprah?

Gimme a break. You know what I’m talking about.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. *wipe away tears* I really love her, but I can’t stand to sleep in the same bed with her. She’s my wife, I should make love to her, but I enjoy looking at child pornography on the internet instead.”

Oprah or Tyra Banks or Ricki Lake will then answer, “You know you’re wrong, don’t you? How does it feel to realise your mistake now? What do you think you should do about it?”
Sad hubby will then answer mournfully, while sobbing on his wife’s shoulder, “I don’t know. *sobs pathetically* I’ll make it up to her …… I want our marriage to work. I just hope she’s patient enough to wait for me to be cured.”

-_-

Or the ex-best friend:

“I realised that I shouldn’t have stolen my best friend’s boyfriend. *sniffs* After all these years, despite being happy with my boyfriend, I realised that she has been my only best friend. After losing her, I’ve been lost. Everytime I look at him, I see my best friend …..”

B-O-R-I-N-G.

Chinese believe that you should not air your dirty laundry in public. Private affairs remain behind closed doors. The westerners think differently, of course – the more publicised, the better!

So, I’m going to propose to xes for a talk show on www.xes.cx. It’s so easy! Who would like to be our first guests on the show? ;D Make sure your laundry is dirty – the dirtier the better!

p.s. No, send your real laundry to the kedai dobi lah, not to me, thank you!

“Nothing in this world can stop us tonight …….”
Yikes, I can’t help but to sing along to that when it comes on air!
Are you a fan of Paris Hilton, the ever famous socialite whose name everyone is familiar with? The one who’s prettier than her sister and is trying to be a singer?
Have you heard her songs on the air or watched the music videos? I can’t stand the videos, but I have to admit that unfortunately, her songs are catchy. I am one of the sad ones who actually find myself singing along to her songs, God help me.
I admit, it’s so embarrassing. Anyone else here having the same problem?
I don’t know why some young girls make her their idol, though. What good example can she be setting? Partying and changing boyfriends like there’s no tomorrow, drugs and others.
Oh, not forgetting her limited vocabulary!
“That’s hot.”
“He’s gorgeous.”
The two most over-used words in her vocabulary – hot and gorgeous.
Check out her t-shirt here.
Check out her doll – comes with Tinkerbel and crabs Crabby.
A Hello Kitty Paris Hilton?
Wanna buy a sex doll – supposedly her?
OK, I got to admit, I don’t really hate her …..
p.s. Sorry, this is just a rant. 😉

How many times have you both been on a date? Everything smooth sailing? You think you’ve got her hooked? Are you a good conversationalist? Think again.
4 signs that show you’re a bore.

1. She yawns consistently. She’s not paying attention!
You have to stop talking about your work or business or hobbies that may not interest her. Change the subject!

Continue reading You’re Such A Bore, Stop Talking!

Remember those high school days when some rascals (the boys) would tease some prim and proper girls about sex? They’d exaggerate stories, within their restricted knowledge, and say something like, “The guy will come up to you and grind himself on you from behind, and then touch your ‘nen-nen’ (breasts) and you will like it.”
The common reaction from the girls would be to huff and say, “Euww, you are so disgusting! You’re dirty-minded!”
Fast forward to today, and try saying that same thing to the girls. One of them would probably say, “Yes, and then I’d elbow him right in his nuts, turn around as he lets go of my lovely boobs, squeeze his nuts and tell him, ‘Try that again and you’re going to be a eunuch.’ “
Nope, that don’t scare us no more. ;P

Continue reading Just ‘Cos I Don’t Want To Talk About It In the Open Doesn’t Mean I’m Narrow-minded

Curse them peeping toms who have nothing better to do!
I’ve developed a phobia or paranoia (which is which?) that I check the cubicle carefully before I do my business, at public toilets.
I check for hidden cameras, you know. I look around cautiously before I pull down my pants.

Can it be here?

Or here?

Or here?
Where the hell are these cameras hidden? Are there any peeping toms here who are willing to share their secrets with us?
Because I am really concerned about the world (well, just www.xes.cx readers, actually) knowing how the bum of bimbobum’s truly looks like. ;

Continue reading Where is the Hidden Camera?