Category: General

So u wanna have a pretty wife…

Not long ago, i met one of my senior from my high school.
me: Hey Adrian, i heard you are marry to Miss Gorgeous from the convent behind our school.
Adrian: Yeah…haih
Adrian said that sullenly.
me: What is the matter? You are not happy with married life.
Adrian: haih….
If my memory serve me right, Miss Gorgeous was the prettiest girl in that Convent school when i was in Form 1. She could even drive all the primary school, pre-puberty school boys crazy. She looked a bit like this :-

That is how she looks like in my dream…
oooooh~~~Miss Gorgeous….*fap* *fap*
me: So, Miss Gorgeous still look the same ar?
Adrian: See for yourself lar…
Adrian passed me his PDA…


me: WAH! Still quite hot wah for a 30 years old woman with 5 kids.
Adrian: scroll down somemore lar…

me: WTF!
Adrian: That’s how she looks like when i come back late. Scroll down somemore…

Adrian: That’s her when i don’t give her all my salary.
me: eeer….
Adrian: BTW, that is her 2 years ago lar…Now, she is a 220kg Aunty!
me thinking to myself: aiks, that’s like Lydia Sam, the TVB fat Aunty actress.

Miss Gorgeous: YEAH! Adrian i totally OWN you

Miss Gorgeous: I am still sexy right, Adrian Darling?
Adrain: AND SHE STILL INSIST THAT I HAVE SEX WITH HER TWICE A DAY
me: ……

Miss Gorgeous: Ooooh…Adrain baby, FUCK ME HARDER!!!!
Adrian: *fainted due to suffocation*
P.S: My computer was attacked by a trojon horse a few hours ago. If anyone of you receive an email from my Yahoo mail, that is not me, it’s the virus!
P.P.S: I apologise to whoever that is offended to my post. It’s merely a stupid story that is meant to be a joke. I have no intention of offending any fat women. Please do not protest outside my house, i am sorry.

Penang chick.

I had a chat with YS, my lady colleague, born and bred in the island of Penang.
YS: wah look at this girl on the newspaper! She’s hot!
Me: w00t!! yes she is!
YS: let me see what the article says…
Me: Penang born lass, sexy etc etc…mmmmmmm
/me looks at the photograph
/me looks at YS.
/me looks at photograph
/me looks at YS and said
“What happened to you?”
*PUNCH* *PUNCH* *KICK* *KICCK*
YS: ROAR!!!!! TENDANGAN PADU MAUT!!!

Before marriage

I got this from Mie. Funny Stuff
Before marriage..
Darling here.. darling there…
After marriage.
Baling (throw) here… baling there..
Before marriage. .
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
“You die, up to you. ”
Lagi lama married (Married for a long time)..
You die I help you!
Before marriage. .
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. . .
You go anywhere. . up to you.
Lagi lama married. . .
You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love”
After wedding
“you get on my nerves. ”
Before wedding
“you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella”
After wedding
“you are worse than godzila” (LOL!!)
Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I’m stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head,
I will sue you
Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak (famous Malaysian Singer)
After wedding
Don’t know whether katak (frog) or biawak (lizard)
Before wedding
Weekends at Cameron, Genting and Fraser’s Hill (popular tourist attraction)
After wedding
Furthest you go is Maxwell Hill (lousy place)
Before wedding
He opens the car door
After wedding
He opens his mouth and snores
Before wedding
She / he was your ideal
After wedding
She / he becomes your ordeal
hehe…future hubbies…be careful…and future wives…be aware…!!

huh?

Today (23/5/2005), out of boredom, i went to play DOTA (DOTA is a custom game for the infamous Warcraft 3 PC game) in SJ. After 2 hours of “DOTA”-ing, i was a damn blur already. On the way out, i saw a chun chic (pretty girl)…
Me: eh hc, that chic damn chun(pretty)lar (as usual, i told my buddy about it)
HC: ya kah? u wait…
He turned to the girl
HC: Hey! This is Frank…
The girl looked puzzled
me: HUH!!!
HC: This is my friend, Frank! He wants to know you.
me: HUH!!!
the girl: HUH!!!
Then both the girl and me, walked off. HC then walked up to me, shaking his head.
HC: Frank, why you like that?
me: What? You try to kena me (frame me) izzit?
HC: No lar, i know her one.
me: Huh!!!
HC: OK lar, next time i don’t want to introduce any chun chic to u anymore lar.
me: HUH!!!
Lesson of the day : The best time to kena Frank is after he “Dota-ed” for two hours.

Beer Survey

Happy Wesak Day everyone!
Mum and I fulfilled our annual pilgrimage to the Brickfield Temple for Wesak Day. The place was filled with all sorts of people and races. Beggars were abundant was well.
There was an alley of stores leading to the temple that were selling various things. There was this shop that blared, “vegetarians are good!!!”…over and over again.. Then there was this Indian lady that had 3 crates of LIVE PIGEONS.
You can either roast them, fry them or boil them. SLURP. Nah, you’re supposed to free them once you pay the lady the money. Unfortunately, no one bought any pigeons from her.
Well other than fulfilling my religious responsilities, I went attended something interesting. I went for a BEER SURVEY
Kelvin Boey, Brian, Cris, Ivan, HHH, Hen, Gerald and I attended the Beer Survey @ a private room at All Star Café Mid Valley. It was fabulous! Where else could you get free food and free beer and get paid RM120 for it!
It was conducted by 2 Caucasians, one from London, another from Australia. They have been travelling around the world to conduct such survey.
The requirements were fairly easy. We had to be a group of friends who hang out with each other often and like to drink Carlsberg Beer. However, the extend of our status and liking are half true, not all of us hang out together often. Fortunately, such requirement need not be strictly complied.
We were bombarded with questions about beers, beers and beers. Initially everyone was active in the discussion but towards the end, we were lying on the sofa as the beers have kicked in. I had to force myself to keep awake.
Guailous: So what do you think of packaging A?
A: mmmm very gOOodd…
B: niceee..
C: uuuhhh… i need more beer…
After 4 jugs of beers, Cris and I proceeded to the Summit Climbing GYM. Climbing after few mugs of beer is totally not advisable. I felt like shit when I did it! Note to myself: No climbing after few BEERS!

Two cats

Two cats were walking by the side of the road in front of my house. They were like a loving couple, taking a stroll at night, side by side.
One of them, stop and look at the other cat. Then, suddenly she ran across the road. She looked at her friend on the other side of the road as if signalling she is signalling for her friend to cross the road. Just as her friend had decided to cross the road…
Bang~!
Crack~!
A proton car ran over her friend and broke her friend’s neck. Blood spritz out of her friend’s neck like fountain. Her friend struggled for a good two second and her body went stiff. Her friend was gone. The cat slowly walk over and sat next to it’s friend’s body. She sat there for a good two minutes, smelling, and touching her friend.
“Get up,” as if she was saying to her friend.
Cars passed her but she didn’t budge. A van almost ran her down as well but she didn’t care. She sat there with her friend, staring at him.
Beep! ~ Beep! ~
Another Proton car came speeding in her direction. The cat looked at the car and sprinted across the road. She sat on the opposite side of the road, looking at him, mourning or perhaps, she was even blaming herself. If she did not cross the road, he wouldn’t have cross it. It was her who caused his death.
10 minutes later, she decided to go home…because life goes on even without him.
“I am a city cat. This is the risk that I have to live with. Maybe soon, I will be with him again.”
I witnessed all these from my balcony. As a respect to the dead cat and her partner, no photos were taken.
P.S. I hope the garbage man will take care of the body tomorrow because the dead cat is damn near to my gate.