Category: Worthy Posts

United Garden (the suburb I live) is well over 30 years old. My house was the first few houses that were built. That explains why everyone who came to my house would say, “Eh, your house looks quite old eh?”

The late Sultan of Perak used to live in my house (before we bought the place). It was his resort house (or probably to keep his mistress here). Many years ago we used to receive many of his phone bills even though he has been dead for 10 years.

Since my house is so bloody old, everything is falling apart. Today, the sewage truck came to pump all the good shit out (it overflowed). Since it’s an old area, we don’t have a central pipe to flush our shit to the sanitary plant.

One day, when I make my millions, I’m going to demolish my house and build a new one. Hmph, probably I’ll build a Chinese mansion. Mmm, probably I’ll add a watch tower. Oh yeah, equipped with testa coil (that tower that electrocute people in Red Alert II) to electrocute intruders, neighbours, termites and wild animals 😀 *bbzzz *bzzz

UNITED GARDEN, Dec 9 – 5 kittens and a cat was found murdered in the garden of xes�s house at United Garden today.

House 337 Criminal Investigations Department chief Senior Assistant Commissioner (II) Saya Makan Rasuah said xes and his tenants went to the scene following a report lodged by the one of xes’s tenants.

He said the victims were killed brutally killed and the bodies were scattered all over the garden.

“The cause of death of the kittens were unknown but the adolescent cat has bite marks on him. This is a case of HAM KA CHAN..whole family die.” No post-mortem was conducted, as the bodies were badly decomposed and rotten.

According to an eyewitness, 4 dogs were seen in the area before the report was lodged. The murder might be due to rivalry between the 2 clans, the dogs and the cats clan.

Bodies of the cats were buried outside xes’s house.

Police urged the public with information to email xes at www.xes.cx at gmail or the nearest McDonalds outlet.

During, Mr Lion King?s student days, he had this friend who suffers from bad luck all the time (Let?s call him Mr BL). It was 2 days before Mr BL was due to return to Malaysia and they just finished exams so they went to a pub to celebrate. After a pint of beer, Mr BL decided to drive his friend?s car for a spin. Well, just around the neighbourhood.

As he was about to reach his destination, he was stopped for a breathalyser test by a group of policemen. About 7 policemen, it was as if they caught a terrorist suspect on the streets. Then, Mr BL tried all the delaying tactics to avoid breathalyser. Unfortunately, he was forced to blow it and unfortunately for him again, he was a little bit over the alcohol limit. He was arrested and subsequently detained at a police station.

His friends tried to get him out by informing the policeman that he just graduated from University and is about to leave in 2 days. However, the policeman refused to release him. Fortunately, couple of hours later, after loads of channels and connections, he was subsequently released.

Then, there was once he was at the subway station with 2 of his friends. He was standing next to them and then came a 6 foot black guy and a 6 foot white guy. Then the black guy and white guy started giving insulting remarks to 2 of Mr BL?s friends. And in retaliation, 2 of Mr BL?s friends started insulting back. Mr BL was just minding his own business, looking at the tracks and wasn?t aware what was happening between those people. As he turned his head to look,

*KAPOW*

One of the 6 footers punched him. He suffered from a broken jaw and was admitted to hospital.

So after all those shit that happened in UK, he was back in Malaysia in no time. Then one day he had to attend a wedding dinner. He took a bus. The bus overturned.

Last night, Sui Lin and I met up with Lynnzter, Frostie and Wookookoo and his friend Yani at La Bodega, Bangsar.

Yani has a friend working as a make up artist. His name was Gavin (No relation to Gavin Tan) and now his name is EMMA. He/She swore that if any of his friends call him Gavin again, he will slap them.

And one day,

“Hey Gavin!”

*smackkkkkkkk*

My name is EMMA..bitch.. (I added this line haha)

After a week break, classes resume back to normal today. Well, back to the boring classes today. Today’s class was from 2PM to 7PM. It bores us to death.

However, our lecturer, Mr Lion King (not his actual name but his name can be directly translated into Lion King :D) has the ability to spice up the lecture by telling jokes during interval. So today, he told us this incident that happened couple of days ago.

A girl from Ipoh called Mr Lion King regarding A-Levels distance learning.

Girl: I would like to enrol in your college’s A-Levels distance learning program. Could you send me the notes and textbook to my place?

Lion King: Ok, but distance learning is tough. What did you get for your SPM (high school examination)?

Girl: That is not important. So when do I send in the cheque?

Lion King: Eum, do you mind telling me your SPM aggregate before we commence?

Girl: I got 39 (which is very, very high, almost at the total failure level).

Lion King: 39? Well, that would be hard for you to pass your distance-learning program.

Girl: So you think I’m STUPID?

Lion King: errr… No, I’m not calling you stupid but it would be harder for you to pass if you have this result. It’s a tough course.

Girl: You think I’m STUPID.

Lion King: errr…

Girl: I’ll send in my cheque tomorrow. You have no choice but to accept my cheque. I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!

The argument went on and eventually the girl slammed down the phone. Then the girl called back.

Girl: Hello, I called just now. I spoke to a rude man.

Unknown to her, she called Mr Lion King’s phone.

Lawyers are liars…

Do you agree? Please comment!

If you agree, please state the reason why.

If you disagree, please rebut this assumption.

Karen Mok
I have 10 VIP tickets to Karen Mok’s promo tour 2003.

It will be held in

Kuala Lumpur, 22.11.03 @ Cheras, KL – 8PM Saturday

Melaka 23.11.2003 @ A Famosa Water World @ Melaka 3PM (Prepare to wet – I swear I didn’t make this up, thats what they wrote..prepare to wet..sounds kinky 😀 😀 :D)

I’m giving them away cause I wont be free on Saturday. And also a gift to my fellow visitors courtesy of www.xes.cx! eke

Gimme a call or drop me a note ASAP! (No I’m not going to post my phone number here. I don’t want any ghey SMS or calls again) hehe

I had wan tan mee for lunch with Wei Chen, Wen Dee and Aunty Jetski at Jalan Batai.

Then I had sweet and sour pork, fried vegetables and kaya bun for dinner with parents.

Then later at night, I had diarrhoea.

Fucking hell, I felt as If I?m having my period. But thank god, this period can be solved with a trip to the toilet. 😀

/me eats my charcoal pills.

Someone (name witheld) signed a private entry on my guestbook saying.,

Can u put more pics of siewlin. I think she’s a real babe!

Who da fuck is siewlin??? hahaha Is she a cross of Siew Lee, my guestblogger and Sui Lin of www.suilin.com?? Man..if i have the skill, i’ll take Siew Lee and Sui Lin’s picture, cut their faces out and assemble them into a face. I wonder how it would look like. haha

oh wait wait wait!!

Siew Lee’s right eye and lips with Sui Lin’s face 😀

Can anyone touch up the photo for me? haha!

Beggar
This morning, while having breakfast, a Down syndrome lady came up to me holding a piece of clothe with Chinese writing on it. I couldn?t make out what it says. But bottom line is, she wanted money. She?s a beggar. A Down syndrome lady has to walk on the streets to beg? My god, what has the world become. Who are those fucking sick people who send mentally incapable person to the streets to beg? I?m used to physical incapable person begging on the streets, but wait, a Down syndrome lady? I immediately lost my appetite.

Wen Dee is complaining that she hasn’t got her black underwear yet. WHERE THE FUCK IS IT LA?? YOU STINGY FUCKERS SEND HER SOME UNDERWEAR
– 11:00PM