Hanging On

2 (bimbobum) posts ago, we are made aware that not all relationships are a bed of roses.
The warning signs that a relationship may not be working out well are endless.
Can you talk about your dreams and ambitions with your partner?
Does s/he encourage you to go ahead and reach for it, or does s/he burst your bubble and tell you that it’s unlikely it’ll happen?
As time go by, do you have common interests you both enjoy together?
Does s/he respect you and understand you?
It’s just a matter of time when s/he begins to pick on you for the slightest details, and unforgiving, refusing your explanations (if there is a need to explain), refuses to join you and your friends for outings but insist you must join him/her for his/her and taking no for an answer, expects you to make the sacrifices but making none in return.
The list is endless.
When it happens, what do you do? Do you confront him/her and try to talk things through? Does s/he listen or waves it away like an annoying fly at his/her ear? Or s/he plays the guilt game, sulking and pouting, refusing to speak to you until you apologise?
When this goes on for months or years, you will be miserable and you may gradually lose your identity.
The best option would be to move one – ditch the loser you’re with. Get your life back.
Stop hanging on.
If you’re not married, you’re still single. And being single has its advantages – you owe no allegiance to no one (except your family, of course) and therefore, breaking off with the loser should be easy.
I know a few friends who are currently doing just that – hanging on to the relationship when they know that their boyfriends make them more miserable each day. It’s been going on for years. Each person they confide in tell them the same thing – get rid of the boyfriends.
They are weak and have lost their self-esteem and confidence. They fear the process of getting on with life and finding new and better partners (eventually).
Why? Why suffer and be unhappy?
I’m frustrated for them, because I really think the boyfriends are losers. The girls deserve better.
Why am I an advocate for breaking up with losers? Because I was once like that, I hung on to a relationship thinking that my partner was right in scowling at me for obscure reasons unknown to me. I was stupid enough to hang on to an unsupportive partner who made me feel worthless. When I think back, it saddens me to know that I tried so hard to make things work, and not realising that I was unhappy overall. I thought I was just unhappy because I wasn’t doing things right, but when in fact it was actually because the other half didn’t do his/her part. Like the saying goes, it takes 2 hands to clap. There was no compromise.
I only realised that after I was dumped. Heh. Eyes wide open therafter.

21 thoughts on “Hanging On”

  1. bimbobum san:i definately agree with u.=)
    go and have fun with ur life….love urself more,in a dating game, there aint no other one love u more then urself,guys is just…love theirself more then u do.they are selfish kinda ANIMAL ! right or not ???

  2. jas: wah, you so pro eh? hehe. think about yourself first, partner second. ;P hehe. depends on the situation one la.
    xes: girls dunno how to lick and guys dunno how to suck meh? ;P
    electronicfly: ehehe.. no la, nobody email me their sorrows also 😉

  3. my poser to you is…
    Do you think that if a couple is in a relationship, and they are ‘official’ and very in love, would one partner going out with other people for a date be right at all? (since you say that as long as one is not married, you’re technically single)
    Now before you answer that, put yourself in that situation and see if you would be happy to see your partner (who you really love) going out for dates with other potential ones?

  4. pokai: was. long time ago.
    karheng: OF COS KENOT LA. ish. i’m saying that if you want to get out a relationship quick you don’t owe the partner anything what. i’m talking about break ups now, not during the relationship. hehehe

  5. hahahaa….what if you were with a quite rich guy who had a nice heart, who u were with…but suddenly a very very very rich guy who’s very good hearted and have very good looks come woo you.
    Will u still give that second guy a trial? ahahah

  6. pokai is right. get more gals in here.
    bimbo: sometimes its easy to be said than done. I would like to know, what are the common solutions if relationship not working well?

  7. Most girls have suffered in the hands of an abusive partner before. He may not be physically abusive, but emotionally and mentally abusive. My ex constantly criticised me, from everything I wore to the “smallness” of my eyes& boobs even the way I cooked noodles! Then he would be so proud of his ex girlfriend- that she was perfect b/c she was a model. I was so unhappy, constantly walking on eggshells just to make sure he was happy. Then I realised that he’s the type of person who has to put others down in order to feel good about being himself- pathetic shallow loser! 😀

  8. cnigel: how you’re going to send it to me? ;P gmail? hehe.
    leia: comparing the current gf to the ex is one of the worst things the bf could do! they deserve to be bitch-slapped non-stop. when you’re in a new relationship, comparisons are not made aloud (if you really have to compare).
    but i’m glad to know that he’s an ex. cheers! 😉

  9. Wah, such a sad story about relationship. Gosh!! How come you become so EMO lar!! kekekeke
    Anyway, words from a 2 cent advisor…Nothing seems to be perfect in this world. Sometimes, you go for the looks but the outcomes differ. Who do you blame…the guys that make you suffer.,kekeke
    Well, if there is a good guy waiting for you but not handsome, no money and don’t really know how to talk…you somehow felt that there is no chemistry involved and straight away rejected him lor. What if this guy is really good??
    I don’t mean to be supporting the guys or giving a bias point of view here. Somehow, girls find it exciting to follow guys with attitude cause you felt he is manly enough. Too bad then..the longer you stick your head with this fella, you will feel more abusive by his patterns. Then, ask yourself…how come I choose him??
    Cheer up…we all got a long way to go. Life is full of experience, what we are experiencing is only the surface and please do not be prejudice just because you have such exposure cause there is a bigger picture outside…

  10. FrentZen: where got prejudice? it goes both ways to guys and girls that after trying so hard to make things work and failing, it’s time to let go and move on. ;P sad and difficult, but you’ve got to be happy
    p.s. where got emo? if emo, i would have told my whole story already! hehe, but decided not to. ;P

  11. bimboburn: Ok…I think I should aggree on you for this matter. Sad but true, we still need to cheer up a bit lor!!
    p.s. it’s a good ideal u didn’t share with us your whole story or else…sure got lots of Q&As..kekekeke.

  12. lolz…atleast i think i can sacrifice for my gf to do that gua…but maybe not =.=”
    but some guy i saw really bullshit…(is it ok to say bad words here?? XD)
    they bring girls to cc just to see them play games…then their gf just sit there…doing ntg…sms or open pc surfing or msn….=.=”
    wanna prove himself how good in game meh? or after lose then can use gf to *express* he’s feeling after lost a game? =.=”

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