When I was young, I read from a book that the Chinese Emperors had 3000 concubines in his palace.
“What a lucky bastard! I thought to myself. Ever since then, I prayed that I would be born a blue blood next life so that I can keep chics like:-
THIS
AND THIS
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JASMINE NGOI! 😀 😀 😀
While I was on my way to meet up with Victor and Irene, who were my former A-Levels classmates, I spotted a Malay walking towards my garden. He was holding two plastics bag filled with small boxes. He had long hair and probably about 20s.
I was in my car staring at him. I think he saw me. He immediately sat down next to the drain, facing my garden. There were no streetlights, it was totally pitch dark.
He was acting very suspiciously. I turned my car around and confronted him.
Me: Awak sedang tunggu orang ke? (you waiting for somebody?)
Him: takde, takde. (no, no)
Me: Then awak buat apa kat situ? (then what are you doing there?)
Him: takde apa-apa (nothing)
He smiled in fear.
Me: ini rumah saya, awak jangan lepak sini tau? (this is my house, don?t hang around here okay?)
He smiled and nodded.
I left the place. However, I was worried. What if?
He is the fucker who has been stealing my clothes all these years?
He will jump into my garden, sneak into my house, rape my cat and murder my entire family?
He is an Al-Qaeda member, waiting for his accomplice?
I turned my car back to my house and called for my dad. So within few seconds, Dad and I and another neighbour of mine confronted the Malay man.
Once again, he gave the same answer, ?takde apa-apa? (nothing). However, he said that he lives down the road. Dad ordered him to leave and he did.
However, he left one of his plastic bags. Dad wasn?t bothered about it. I was dead curious about it. Could it be?
A life time supply of weed?
A decapitated head?
I ignored it though. I continued with my plan to yamcha with my old mates.
I came back 2 hours later. The bag was still there. I told Victor about it. He was equally curious too. Within no time, we got hold of the plastic bag and tried to open it. I ripped the plastic bag and saw couple of boxes. It wasn?t heavy at all and doesn?t smell (thank god, it was not a decapitated head). I then ripped the box open?It was..
left over rice? fucker..throw rubbish at my house..mahai
I had a hair cut yesterday. Well, my usual spiky haircut.
New hair cut.
I’ve been a regular at this new saloon near my place. The shampoo girls are cute and the stylist knows what I want. Great place. And oh yeah, the shampoo girls give good massages too. No, they don’t provide ‘extra service’.
This place used to have loads of pretty girls and great service. Unfortunately, all the pretty girls have left the saloon hence their business deteriorated tremendously. I used to know the girls working there. They would tell me stories about their work and all.
The funniest story that I’ve heard was when the head stylist, Mei, was washing one of the patron’s hair. He was a dark man of 40s with a balding spot on his head. I’ve seen him around. So back to our story, while she was happily scrubbing the guy’s head.
Guy: ooohh baby..that feels goooddddd
Mei: ????? thanks..
Guy: *fapfapfapfapfapfapfap*
Mei: 8D!!
The guy got horny, took out his dick and started wanking. *FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP*
Mei was shocked. She didn’t know what to do.
Then suddenly, a knight in shining armour entered the door, he was oozing charm and Mei immediately felt relieved.
Well, actually, I walked in and the guy quickly shove his thing back into his trousers. I didn’t know what happened until the girls told me about it.
I think he didn’t manage to cum..
I have this bad tendency of laughing at people’s poor English. Well, my English is not exactly great but sometimes it’s so bad that you can’t help yourself.
Malaysian has this mentality to look up at people who could speak good English. As for those who cant, they will be looked down upon. Obviously, it’s not a very good attitude. Just because someone has good oratory skill doesn’t mean he’s smart.
Well, the point is want to make here is that, even though someone couldn’t speak proper English they shouldn’t be looked down as they might have something better than us ie fluent in other languages. So anyway, the purpose of writing this crap is to serve as disclaimer for my post below. I don’t want anyone to brand me an arrogant bastard who think his English is better than anybody else.
So here’s the story.
Couple of years ago, my friends and I had coffee in Coffee Bean (Starbucks equivalent). So this friend of mine brought her cousin, who didn’t speak a word throughout the entire session. Then couple of days later, she messaged this friend of mine in IRC.
Girl: ARE YOU REMEMBER ME?? ARE YOU REMEMBER ME? LAST TIME WE DRINK KOPI IN KOPI BEAN..
My friend laughed so hard till he smashed his keyboard with his hands.
wahahahaha this post from lilmisstinkles cracks me up
She said,
Just did something which made me laugh like a donkey … Gavin would have LOVED for this to happen to him ….
Unfortunately, our good ol’ Gavin isn’t allowed to audition for the Australian idol. Try the Malaysian one next year, Gavin!
This is mean but sorry I can’t help it..it’s farking funny!!
Got this from Umeng 😀
Source: http://www.photoforum.org/display.php?displayphoto=++&id=12193
Ah Lian – Chinese term. Could be defined as a lowly educated Chinese girl. Ivan described it as 2nd class chinese girl. Fon on the other hand gave a list of the characteristic of an Ah Lian:
very outstanding hair karler
super slut dressin
must speak half hokkien half mandarin
must smoke while talkin on hp
must be easy to get
I got this from the comments posted on the picture..
Comments from http://www.photoforum.org/display.php?displayphoto=++&id=12193
By hahaboy Posted on 2002-02-03 15:04:32
low standard ah lian
By doppelganger Posted on 2002-04-01 20:07:13
wat’s the theme of the photo la ? composition with food in fridge… and computer CPU…. pentium 4 she is not… someone put herin the fridge before she rots anymore…. evil as always.
By drachez Posted on 2002-04-15 06:01:20
this is smiling octopus…
By ChinaMan Posted on 2002-12-03 11:13:20
This iS NOT a AH-Lian.
She is a taiwanese betel nut girl.
You people….
By wAiT4U Posted on 2002-07-01 21:38:30
wat is this?? ah lian??? can u dun insult ah lian leh….where got ah lian like that want??? u shld name it as ah SHIT!!
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA
Congratulations to Irenekay!!
She’s getting married end of this month.
She text me saying, “I know this may seem shocking 2 u, but u r invited 2 my weding on 30th this month. Venue at Shangri la KL. At 7:30PM. RSVP me asap. Thanks. Hope 2 see u”.
She posted this on her website after sending that sms out
—
After I sms this out, this is one of de few replies i got………
Kelvin Chin: Serious? Actually I see it coming already……..
Me : yeah, so are you free to come?
Kelvin :I’ll give a call to you this weekend……
Adrian:How come outta sudden? Are u serious about it? Congrats!!!!
Me :Yeah thanks, plz check the calender to check see you can make it or not?
Adrian: yeahh…I’ll come on the 32nd…..
Call from Pervert Phoon(Siew Mun(SM))…….,
SM:Serious!??? Accident issit?OMG!!!!…I’m so happy for you……
Me: hahaha..yeah..check your calender and see whether you can make it…….
SM:blablablabla………….(forgot)
Me:You really fall for it? hahahha….. this month Feb lar…where got 30th?
SM: Oh yeah hor…. I thought next month………. so Bar Savanh this Fri……
Lis:You think I’m stupid ark??? I’m a Feb child lar…kekeke
Cris:Where got 30th in this month? You think I believe?????
The CHAMPION reply I get this round goes to…….. www.xes.cx!!!!!
Xes:Yao mou lan??
Me : yeah…so come yeah
Xes:There’s this thing call abortion you know
Me:errr….the child is innocent……accident case, so no choice lor….
Xes: Aiyoh…….It’s not consider a baby until it’s a fetus!But if that’s your choice then it’s oklar….Can’t wait to see your baby…haha
Few minutes later……….
Xes:Damn forgot it’s february now….haha.
Ma ChEe byE I hAvE bEen tRickeDd!!!!!!!!!!
While at work, my lady boss was laughing loudly at a pack of Pagoda peanuts. She was laughing at the phrase, “Younger nuts are better nuts”. Furthermore, the packet of Pagoda peanuts has pictures of young people on it.
Younger nuts are better nuts..
I guess you all noticed that this week’s posts were pretty dramatic. Everyone was wondering who the hell iloveu is.
I’ve never met her in my life. I have no idea who she is. She came to my website and started posting weird messages. Then we asked her who she is but she didn’t want to reveal herself despite the fact that many of us requested her to do so. She should at least tell us her name as an act of courtesy. But instead, she kept on babbling about how misery her life was and all her sob stories.
As you all know, I have very low tolerance towards irritating and annoying people.
But Big Ben advised me, “aiyah, you shouldn’t be so mean to people, if they annoy you, insult you or be rude to you, just take it as it were.”
I took his advice and tolerated all the crap that iloveu said.
Then i jokingly suggested we ignore iloveu so that she would give in and reveal herself.
Bad move, she went berserk. She started insulting me. She called me a lousy lawyer. She said, “you have no difference between local guys even though you were educated in the UK and traveled half the world” (but I have no idea what she meant with local guys. I see no problem with local guys).
And worst of all, she said I was SHORT. LIA MA GE CHAU HAI. That is the worst insult that a man could ever take (2nd worst would be short dick).
However, I ignored her and let her post whatever she wants as most people here knows that there?s something wrong with her. Fortunately, many of my friends backed me up (thanks guys, you guys are tEh best!).
My friend, Huei Wern wrote a remark against her. She basically pointed out ilove’s fault. To me it seems to be a reasonable remark as she was saying that iloveu failed to reveal her self and so on.
Coincidentally, I posted an extract from Choon Huei’s blog, who also shares the same name as Huei Wern . iloveu mistakenly thought that Choon Huei posted the remark against her. Iloveu went berserk and started attacking poor Choon
She started invading people’s blogs. Poor ryuu took down his tagboard cause his tagboard cant ban her. SuiLin’s website was bombarded with insulting messages. michaelooi was the best. He replied in a funny way and edited some of her comments. It was darn funny.
An extract from michaelooi?s website
http://www.haloscan.com/comments.php?user=michaelooi&comment=107605398122374704
sorry michaelooi , yomomma , huei, choon and everyone …
i admit i am a fucked up individual and i need to be put to sleep like those rabid dogs on the streets.
Edited By Siteowner
iloveu | Homepage | 02.07.04 – 2:45 pm | #
From Sui Lin’s website
iloveu: my insult must have been got her to the bones becos it is so accurate…HAHAHAHAHAH.. i won!!!
iloveu: and even deny that the pic is hers….HAHAHAHA..she should just die so can reborn new face..
iloveu: she is the girl that intimidate old woman with her fucking slang but cannot defend her own face
iloveu: everybody go herre everybody go here www.choonhuei.blogspot.com/
terjin – yeah mannnnnnnn she so ill-mannered…nobody want smell her pussy anymore so she might as well just die..cos she can use fucking slang to intimidate old woman but cant defend her own defect face? HAHHAHAHAHA…
Posted by iloveu @ 02/06/2004 09:38 PM CST
she can try intimidate old woman with her fucking english slang but cant defend her own face but instead deny that photo is hers….i think she should just shoot herself to die…HAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by iloveu @ 02/06/2004 09:08 PM CST
From Choon?s website
michaelooi – aint she a bitch? forcing xes to liar on her behalf becos she starting insulting me and cannot take when i give back her own medicine..
iloveu | 02.06.04 – 10:08 am | #
michaelooi – she try use everyone to cover her shiet that she started..do u want be one of her dog now?
iloveu | 02.06.04 – 10:10 am | #
U ARE FUCKING LIAR AND TRY GET XES AND EVERYONE TO BE UR DOGS…HOW BITCHY U ARE…U ARE DOOMED NOBODY WILL WANT EVEN NEAR UR PUSSY TO SMELL IT….U FUCKING MAKE XES AND FRENDS LAUGHING AT UR SMELLY PUSSY FOR LIE SO MUCH…DONT U JUST HAVE SHAME!!!!WHAT A BITCH U ARE!!!!!
iloveu | 02.06.04 – 12:30 pm | #
U DONT WANT SEE ME…I CAN PEK SEI LEI WITH AN AXE I TELL U …I FUCKING KNOW HOW U LIKE AND I HATE THE WAY U LOOK
iloveu | 02.06.04 – 12:31 pm | #
But Choon has a better answer,
hahaha … my dear iloveu, action speaks louder than words. since you’re all that great and old, dun be such a coward and still hide yourself under that pseudonymn. it’s pretty lame for an old ppl.
besides, u got no rights to talk about courage to me. i’ve got the courage to say this: yes, i may not be the prettiest girl alive in msia. but hello, i have the courage to say that outloud cuz that do not bring me down at all. if you want to compare the amount of self-esteem and self-confident between both of us, i think my level is up so high, it’s incomparable at all.
whereas for you, u don’t even for the guts/courage to reveal your name. so shutup about ur comments pls.
besides, i’m not that “huei”.
oops, i’m sorry. i tot that since you are great, you should have known about the fact that millions of chinese ppl have the same name “huei”, and the fact that lots of other ppl have similar tone and slang.
choon | Homepage | 02.06.04 – 12:27 pm | #
In reply iloveu said,
name? xes – she intimidate me at ur blogg…but she calling and make use all her male frends to make fun of my pussy is she gone too far…so xes..can u stop it plss
This is clearly nonsense. I wonder why does she make up such stories. Probably she thinks that I can?t read English for nuts. In fact Choon wrote a message apologizing to iloveu for her comment above. She said,
dear iloveu,
i have no idea why you get the pleasure of bashing me up, but since you said that you do not like people to frame you up, let me tell you that neither do i. i am not huei. nor yomomma or other pseudonymn’s that other people used, which i couldn’t remember.
and if you’re really aiming to get people to notice that i am a masculine kind of biatch, who is a man underneath a woman’s face, i believe you have gotten your message across. =) right now, i think if people were to say my name, i can just visualize that others will just say, “oh, isn’t she a guy? or is that the tomboy biatch who spoke with the supposedly slang?” ;D
i’m sorry if my comment last night was rude to you.
i’m really sorry for that.
i later realized that maybe you are going through some tough period of time, that none of us even realized about it, and i’m really sorry for you if they make fun of you that way. i hope you will be able to pull through these troubled period and may you find a happier times in the future. i am saying this with utmost sincerity, and i not bashing u up please.
—
My fellow visitors, I hereby submit that iloveu is a lunatic. She should be admitted to a psychiatric hospital indefinitely for further treatment. And one last word from iloveu,
nameｻ XES I AM PREGNANT WOMAN!!!!!!!!DONT DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Couple of my friends has begun to trace this psycho. Results will be out soon.
What do you think about iloveu? Please comment..
Samantha Manson, a 21 years old student from United Kingdom was arrested for jokingly saying, “I have 2 bombs in my bag!” twice to an US Airport security personal. She was later released and then apologized to the press. This reminds me of a story I heard. A friend of mine was departing from New Zealand and was about to check in his bag. So the counter lady asked him the usual crap,
”Did you pack the bags yourself? Did anyone ask you to carry anything?”
No
”Do you have any illegal or dangerous materials in your luggage?”
(With his 2 thumbs pointing to his chest) “I AM THE BOMB”
He was later detained, searched and his flight was delayed.