Category: General

Wednesday, 02-11-2005; i played snooker with my friend in One Snooker Centre. A bunch of uncles (Middle age man ranging from 40 -50 years old) were playing Lucky (A kind of game, don’t quite know how to explain it…bah =P). They were cracking a lot of funny one liners among themselves. Here are some of the funniest one that i can remember…
On People who Cheat
Uncle A: B, you are cheater.
Uncle B: No, i am not.
Uncle A: B, with friend like you. I am not surprise that some man don’t have balls.
On Younger Girlfriend
Uncle A: B, why you talk to your girlfriend like she is 14.
Uncle B: Ya, she is 14. You want to see her sms?
On Friend who don’t hang out with them often
Uncle A: B, let’s don’t hang out with C anymore.
Uncle C: Why?
Uncle A: Because he wai hai sei (Canto slang for man who dump their buddy for girls)
Uncle B: huh? how?
Uncle A: C always goes out with his wife.
On sexy girls
Uncle A: eh, B! C! Comon, play la. Stop looking at the TV
Uncle B and C: Fuck you la, Shakira is so sexy. We don’t wanna play anymore.

For guys who can’t AIM
AIM at that DAMN FROGGY!!!

P.S. To our Muslim Readers, Selamat Hari Raya Puasa Adilfitri

Hari Raya Puasa is around the corner. While the muslim observe the holy month of fasting, we, the non-muslim benefited from the various food on sell in the Ramadan Bazaar. I think i am the among the few who didn’t visit any Ramadan Bazaar this year. So Sad….
As we (Malaysian) all know, our muslim friends are not allowed to eat or drink from dawn to dusk except when you are sick or…when your (for woman) dai yi ma (dai yi ma is your aunty who is mother’s sister, it is also a Cantonese slang for a woman period. Don’t ask me why they call it that.).
The other day, our indian (oh yea, the hindu will be celebrating depavalli (Hindu Festival of Light) soon) runner bought the whole office, KFC for lunch.
Boss: eh, frank. Go call Kak AW (AW is the Senior Lawyer in my firm) down to eat.
me: huh? She don’t need to puasa (Fast in malay) meh? this morning i saw Ms. W (the Malay clerk) didn’t puasa also.
Boss and the other staff: ….
me: Why ar?
Boss and the other staff:…..
I looked at Master.
me: Why ar
Boss: aiya, because they are having their period la.
me: …. *hide behind my KFC Hot and Spicy thigh*

Time for a smoke? One cigarette reduces your life by 11 minutes

Smoking is SO GOOD even the chinese heavenly Goddess smoke.
Studies investigating the impact on mortality of socioeconomic and lifestyle factors such as smoking tend to report death rates, death rate ratios, odds ratios, or the chances of smokers reaching different ages. These findings may also be converted into differences in life expectancy. We estimated how much life is lost in smoking one cigarette.
Our calculation is for men only and based on the difference in life expectancy between male smokers and non-smokers and an estimate of the total number of cigarettes a regular male smoker might consume in his lifetime. We derived the difference in life expectancy for smokers and non-smokers by using mortality ratios from the study of Doll et al of 34 000 male doctors over 40 years.1 The relative death rates of smokers compared with non-smokers were threefold for men aged 45-64 and twofold for those aged 65-84,1 as corroborated elsewhere.2 Average life expectancy from birth for the whole population or subgroups can be derived from life tables. Applying the rates of Doll et al to the latest interim life tables for men in England and Wales, with adjustment for the proportion of smokers and non-smokers in each five year age group,3 we found a difference in life expectancy between smokers and non-smokers of 6.5 years.
We used the proportion of smokers by age group, the median age of starting smoking, and the average number of cigarettes smoked per week in the 1996 general household survey.4 We calculated that if a man smokes the average number of cigarettes a year (5772) from the median starting age of 17 until his death at the age of 71 he will consume a total of 311 688 cigarettes in his lifetime.
If we then assume that each cigarette makes the same contribution to his death, each cigarette has cost him, on average, 11 minutes of life:
6.5 years=2374 days, 56 976 hours, or 3 418 560 minutes
5772 cigarettes per year for 54 years=311 688 cigarettes
3 418 560/311 688=11 minutes per cigarette.
This calculation is admittedly crudeit relies on averages, assumes that the health effects of smoking are evenly spread throughout a smoker’s lifetime, presupposes that the number of cigarettes smoked throughout a lifetime is constant, and ignores the difficulties in classifying people as either lifetime smokers or non-smokers.5 However, it shows the high cost of smoking in a way that everyone can understand.
The first day of the year is traditionally a time when many smokers try to stop, and on 1 January 2000 a record number might be expected to try to start the new millennium more healthily. The fact that each cigarette they smoke reduces their life by 11 minutes may spur them on. The table shows some better uses for the time they save.
NOTE:
1.This Article was originally published in BritishMedical Journal.
2. The copyright of the photo above does not belong to www.xes.cx. The photo has been obtained from the World Wide Web without any information of it’s owner.

On the last occassion, i wrote about how dumb some people are in not knowing that Zero is O and O is Zero. However a few days ago, a respectable Court Clerk (at least he is to me) told me that, in Malaysia Zero is Zero…
Few days ago, i went to the Court to do some urgent extraction.
Clerk: Hello, Young man. What do you want?
me: Want to extract sealed judgement of this file. File number is O O 5.
Clerk: what what 5?
me: O O 5
Clerk: Zero Zero 5 lar!!!
me: eeer, ya
Clerk: Comon la, this is Malaysia. We don’t say O O 5. We say Zero Zero 5. OK?
me: ….
Clerk: What is the file number?
me: O…i mean Zero Zero five *cough* bastard *cough*.
ok, i didn’t call him a bastard. Young Lawyers who are rude to the Court Clerk will be made to pay a hefty price…some rumours say that your file will end up in Gombak River (the river next to the court. Is it call Gombak River?)
P.S. To xxess, this is MY story. You may post it on your site provided if you give the Credit to ME and WWW.XES.CX. Thank You.

This is what you can do with your old computer…

1. Punch a hole on your memory and CPU to make a key chain

2. eeer…use your CD-Rom as make up mirror.

3. Use your casing as BBQ Pit.

4. Use your mouse to walk your dog. Not recommended to people with big dogs.

5. Your monitor as hamster cage?

6. LCD screen as poker table!!!

NOTE: THE COPYRIGHT OF THE PHOTOS IN THIS ENTRY DOES NOT BELONG TO WWW.XES.CX. THE PHOTOS SHALL BE REMOVED IF YOU CAN SHOW AND/OR PROVE THAT YOU OWN THE COPYRIGHT OF THE PHOTOS. WWW.XES.CX SHALL NOT BE HELD LIABLE AND/OR RESPONSIBLE IF ANY OF VISITORS DECIDED TO POST THESE PHOTOS IN THEIR BLOG.

The Prime Minister’s wife Datin Seri Endon Mahmood died at 7.55 am today at the Prime Minister’s official residence in Putrajaya after fighting a long battle with cancer. Endon, 64, breathed her last about 18 days after returning from treatment for breast cancer in Los Angeles, United States. Read more about it here.

I heard this breaking news from my colleague when i came into the office. My first reaction was “Shit! Will there be any impact on the economy?.” After a few sip of coffee…”Ah, no la.”

The PA came in angry.

“WTF!!! How come the radio play Dumb Ass music? MY FM (Local Chinese Radio Station) was braodcasting an interview with Andy Lau (A Famous HK star)!! tiu nia sing (Fuck) i am going to call MY FM to ask!”

She then went on to dial MY FM’s number franticly. After 10 mins, finally she got through…

“Allo, MY FM? Why you cut off Andy Lau’s interview? What? Who die? Oooh, she really die this time? ooooh…so how many days are you gonna this kind of sad music? 3 days ar? Then what about Andy Lau’s interview? ooooh….”

She then came over my place,smiling,

“I just spoke to the DJ. Damn! his voice was sexy.”

/me roll eyes

Later in the Afternoon, a lot of people was speculating that Friday will be declared a public holiday. Then rumours started to spread that Monday will be declared public holiday instead because Selangor is having public holiday on Friday. Suddenly, eveyone over the nation is in holiday mood. I called a lawyer in KL asking whether or not that lawyer can mention (a court process where your file will be called up in court to make sure that all cause papers are in order.

Then, the court will fix a hearing date. In my view, this process is the mother to the problem of court backlog.) on behalf of my firm for a case on Monday.

Lawyer: ah, no la. Monday case not going on la because it’s public holiday.
me: How sure are you?
Lawyer: My clerk said so.
me: I call the court, they say it’s going on.
Lawyer: Aiya, the court clerk always say case is going on la.
me: but what happen if it goes on and no one is there?
Lawyer: I guarantee you that Monday is a holiday.

Stupid bitch!! Use your brain a bit la!!! Pak La never declare any public holiday when his mother pass away, why would he declare a public holiday when his wife pass away. AND the newspaper confirm that Monday is NOT a holiday. Read this

Lucky, my senior agrees to run two courts on Monday.

Anyway, www.xes.cx would like to send our deepest condolence t o Pak Lah and his family. May the soul of Datin Seri Endon Mahmood rest in peace.

The other day, on the phone…
me: Can i speak to Y, plz?
Clerk: Y is not in.
me: Can you ask Y to call me back? My number is xxx-xxxx six o five six.
Clerk: huh? Six what five six?
me: Six o five Six.
Clerk: Huh? Six what?
me: six O five six!
Clerk: ooooh, six ZERO five six izzit?
me: …..

I always want to take pic of the sunset on the highway. Now, i can do it with SE K750i 2.0 Megapixel Camera phone. =P

I had my Honda sent for an oil change recently and the next morning i noticed that there were lights flashing on the dashboard right the moment i turned the key. Some say its normal, some say just ignore it but hell not to be a paranoid i swear the lights were not there before i changed the engine oil.So i tried looking for my car’s handbook only to realise that i thrashed it during last Christmas house cleaning.
Phear not, being a net geek that i am, i am 15024923% confident that i will find the manual somewhere on my file sharing software and almost without hesitation i fired up my most trustworthy p2p and almost instanly it returned 21312123 results when i keyed in “honda”. I took sometime to skim through the results and decided to download the 3 closest relevant i could find.
moments later…..
it finally finished downloading, and of course i double clicked.

Wow!GRAND THEFT AUTO!
nevermind i probably downloaded the wrong file, but then the rest of the files i downloaded were

and……………

The next time you lose your key, you know what to look for on kazaa.