George, God here …



“This is God here …”

“Hi, God. What can I do for you?”

“I want you to stop this Iraq thing, George.”

“But you told me to do it, God!”

“No I didn’t, George …”

“But you did! You spoke to me through Karl, Rumsey and Dick and all
those other really clever guys!”

“How did you know it was me talking, George?”

“Instinct, God. I just knew it!”

“Do you really think I’d want you to unleash all this horror and
bloodshed on another lot of human beings?”

“But they’re Muslims! They don’t believe in You, God!”

“But, George, they do believe in me. Jews, Christians and Moslems all
worship the same Me! Didn’t you do comparative theology at school,

“No, of course not! You think I’m some sort of peace-waving
dope-headed liberal faggot-lover, God?”

“No, of course not, George, but I expect you to know something about
the people you’re bombing.”

“Oh, come on! I know it’s right to bomb those oily rag-heads until
there’s not one left to wipe a wrench on!”

“How do you know that, George?”

“Cause You tell me that’s what I should do, God.”

“George, I do not tell you to do that!”

“But I hear You, God! You speak to me! You tell me what to do! You
tell me what is Right and what is Wrong! That’s why I don’t need to
listen to any soft-baked, mealy-mouthed liberal Kerry-pickers!”

“George, you’re deluding yourself.”

“God! How can you say that? I got some of the most powerful people on
this planet down on their knees every day in the White House just
a-praying to You! Now are you gonna tell me You ain’t listening?
Because if You ain’t listening, God, that’s Your problem – not mine!”

“George, of course I’m listening – it’s you who is not listening to

“And I’ll tell you why! ‘Cause You ain’t addressing me right.”

“What d’you mean, you jumped-up little Ivy League draft-dodger?”

“If you’re so ‘omniscient’, God, you oughta know that you gotta go
through Karl Rove, John Ashcroft, Rumsey and Dick … those fellas
know what they’re talking about! I can’t listen to just any deity who
can pick up the phone!”

“But, I’m God, George!”

“Does Karl say you are?”

“But why do you believe Karl?”

“Because my gut tells me he’s right!”

“Listen, you ignorant little pinch-eyed Billy Graham convert! Can’t
you get it into your head that I’m God and I’m telling you to stop all
this ‘pre-emptive strike’ nonsense! Stop destroying Iraq! Stop
supporting that monster Sharon! Stop picking a fight with the only
other human beings on the planet that believe in Me! You’re leading
the world into unbelievable chaos and horror!”

“That’s enough, God! That’s just the sort of defeatist crap that I
won’t allow in the White House! Get out of here!”

“I cannot believe I’m hearing this, George.”

“Well you better start believing, God, because this is the new
reality. Don’tcha know that a recent Gallup poll shows that 42% of
Americans identify themselves as ‘born again’? That cuts across
Republicans and Democrats, rich and poor, white and black! This is a
real political power base, God, and you’d better believe it!”

“Look, all I’m asking is for you to show a little compassion to your
fellow human beings!”

“I’m not going to debate this with you, God! You’re beginning to sound
like you belong to the reality-based community!”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Well by the ‘reality-based community’, we mean people who believe
that solutions emerge from their judicious study of discernible
reality.” “Sounds fair enough…”

“But, as one of my advisors told Ron Suskind of the Wall Street
Journal: ‘The reality-based community is not the way the world really
works any more. We’re an empire now and, when we act, we create our
own reality. And while you’re studying that reality – judiciously, as
you will – we’ll act again, creating other new ealities, which you
can study too, and that’s how things will sort out. We’re history’s
actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we

“You mean…you don’t give a damn, George?”

“I mean You speak through me, God, not the other way round! Is that

“Yes, Mr President.”

This article is written by Terry Jones, and was published in The Guardian, UK

P.S. Vote for Kerry or Bush after you see their moves here

6 thoughts on “George, God here …”

  1. Xes:”I’m not going to debate this with you, God! You’re beginning to soundlike you belong to the reality-based community!” Bush said.”What the hell does that mean?” God repliedOkay, that is a summary of the whole article.Shin: No offence to Jesus, yo. Saphiryn: “No one knows…when that day and hour will come…Be on your guard…Becaue you do not know what day your Lord will come…Be ready because the Son of man will come at an hour when you are not expecting him” –[Matthew 24:36-44]

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