Lawyers!!

The following was sent to my Inbox earlier, hoping to share a good laugh with all you visitors!

These are the things people actually said in US courts, taken down and published by court reporters – who suffered the torment of trying to keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don’t miss the last one.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
you’ve forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember
which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo or The occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn’t know anything about it until the
next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is
he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August
8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school
did
you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But the patient could still have been alive,
nevertheless?
A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive
and practising law somewhere.