moving on …. sooner than later

(you know who won CLEO’s Most Eligible Bachelor 2006, right?)
a break-up is often one of the hardest for some people to deal with, because of the years spent together, the effort and energy put into building and sustaining the relationship. some people patch it up after a while, realising that the person is “the one”, whereas some people remain in their depression due to the break-up, or some people move on.
you know how a girl is usually bawling her eyes out when there’s a break-up, wailing that her heart has been broken into pieces and she’ll never be able to survive singlehood without him, there’s no one good enough compared to him, etc..
they say girls deal with the pain differently, unlike the guys. there is a need to be heard, wearing their broken hearts on their sleeves, wanting to be comforted by their friends. there are some, of course, who keep it inside, not bothering the world with their sorrows.
how about the guys? it is usually the latter, i think. the world goes on as usual, they shrug away that closed chapter of their lives. it’s back to being a full-fledged bachelor with the boozing and the cruising. others may choose to sleep around, in desperate need for another girl to fill in the empty space the previous girlfriend left behind.
ok, i shouldn’t generalise. but i stand corrected, perhaps there are some girls who deal with heartache that same way, too. ;P
whatever it is, everyone should move on. but the question is, how soon?
when someone gets into a fresh new relationship within weeks of a break-up with the last partner, mouths start whispering, “oh my goodness, obviously that is the cause of the break up!” or “that bastard!” or “that bitch!” and you know how it goes la.
one of the reasons why outsiders may make such comments is because, the dumper must have said to the dumpee things like, “you know there’s no one else like you… you’re too good for me. maybe we can work things out in the future. who knows, maybe you are truly the one for me.” to appease the dumpee’s pain.
and the dumpee, still in shock from the break-up, may accept those words and feel a bit better.
until dumpee finds out that the dumper has found a new partner. within 2 weeks.
oh, the further shock. the pain. the betrayal. the reality. what the hell?
be it 2 weeks or 2 months, when is it the right time to jump into a new relationship? surely it’s subjective, depending on the coincidence of meeting someone appropriately better than the last. ;P does the dumper have to hide it from the dumpee? must dumper get dumpee’s permission to start a new relationship?
i do notice that dumpees from long relationships actually jump into a new relationship very quickly, and the next thing i know, 6 months later, they’re announcing their engagement or wedding. imagine the surprise. why the rush?
but anyway, back to the topic. is it too soon to be starting a new relationship within weeks or months of breaking up? can we differentiate between casual dating and flings from relationships, i.e. perhaps telling the dumpee that “the new ‘fling’ isn’t a relationship, dear…. i’m just trying to move on… i’m not ready for a relationship right after us…”, etc..
years ago, i had a really nosy friend . the first time she asked me if i was waiting to get back together with an ex. i told her, no, of course not, don’t be ridiculous. but you know the sucker in me at that time was thinking, “hmm… i’m not telling you, just in case i jinx my wish!”
the next few times she asked me, a few months later, i told her no, “please stop asking me that!”
i had gotten over him and having mutual friends can be so difficult, i tell you. anyway, i got so fed up, i asked her why did she keep asking me that.
her answer, “because you’re still single. so you must be waiting for him!”
just because i didn’t have a new boyfriend until much later, actually meant i was waiting for the ex? what logic is that? ;P

16 thoughts on “moving on …. sooner than later”

  1. I once had a bf tell me he couldn’t love me. Right. Not surprisingly he moved on to the next “official” gf in less than 4 months (and possibly having flings in between). I took a little longer.. it depends on whether the person is emotionally ready to jump back in.

  2. this post really captures the dilemma that most of us would have gone through at some point or other!
    if you’re the dumper, when is the right time to start dating again without hurting the other party even more (assuming that you broke up because the feeling’s gone).
    if you’re the dumpee, i think the bigger problem would be getting over the idea of stabbing your ex and dumping him/her into the river. or similar ideas of revenge. 😛
    you forgot one more party though. the “new person” in the dumper/dumpee’s life. are they really the new object of affection, or just a rebound (for the dumpee) or an excuse to break up something that’s already not working (for the dumper)?
    and if the new person is the reason why the dumper left the relationship, i would think there’ll be some degree of guilt…

  3. guys takes less time to recover as most are less emo,
    if u can’t fix it, just leave it lah.
    there are not guidelines, just how one pace oneself

  4. I just broke up with my boyfriend last week. Still very ‘fresh’. I m the dumper, it’s more painful mentally becoz I’m wondering if I had done the right thing. The dumpee just need to cry their heart out and go on with life. The dumper on the other hand might regret for life…yeah I m saying that I might regret for some reasons. I hope not.

  5. breaking up is tough! i know someone who’s proud of being the dumper for all his relationships and geez, is that a good thing to brag about?
    Rain: but if 2 weeks? isn’t that too soon?
    whyrl & piffles: the “new person” should stay away from the dumpee especially when they are friends. things have changed, man! the dumpee’s going to fall into further shock and go nuts!
    fr0stie: why lack of sleep? ;P no la, must we be considerate about the dumpee’s feelings or not? or don’t give a shit?
    pikey: sorry to hear that. =\ now i can kill myself for talking bout this at this moment. =\
    obeliskdee: dumper’s do not regret. it’s the guilt talking la… but you never know, it may be the right decision, or maybe not. only time will tell <— the cliche thing everyone says. ;P

  6. If the person moved on within 2 weeks, then one must ask themselves if the other person truly loved at all, and most likely conclude that the commitment wasn’t there.

  7. it makes sense for the new person (who is the dumpee’s friend) to avoid the dumpee…
    but dont u find it sad that he/she has to give up a friendship (maybe forever) in order to find love?

  8. Rain: playboy in the making kua..
    fr0stie: … the snowman! erm, felt like singing xmas carols when i see your nick. ;P
    chuoming: and to AIDS. ;P
    whyrl: well, it takes time to digest and get over the heartache, before u can continue with the friendship, for some people. ;P

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