who pays for the first date?

a few of my guy friends recently commented that they have been on first dates with girls who look at them expectantly when the bill comes, without offering to pay for their share. they find it ….. not nice.
but as girls, if we are the ones asked out, must we offer to pay? is that the least we can or should do? i mean, we can pretend to take our purse out and pretend to want to look at the bill, right?
but if we do that, then the guys have to say, “oh that’s alright, this one is on me.” instead of, “hmm… yeah, your share is RM35 plus RM2 for tax….”
but funny thing is, my girl friends say i’m stupid when i offer to pay for my share. they tell me, “sheeesh, let him pay! he asked you out, so let him pay!”
this is really confusing.
so what exactly is the right etiquette for the girl, on her first and subsequent dates?
even when i do return the favour by buying the guy coffee later is considered a no no by my girl friends. but that’s what i do, just in case things never work out … and the guys won’t have a chance of accusing me of being a leech.
feedback please.

46 thoughts on “who pays for the first date?”

  1. ouch ouch.. I think girls should pay too hehe. That exactly happened to me last week and I spent a hell lot of cash on this 1st date. Oh btw, u forgot guys have to pay for drinks later on at clubs if clubbing is in the agenda argh..

  2. Now tht’s a good debate…hehe..anyway, i do agree with stoom..Why do guys owes responsible to pay for the drinks when clubbing? I mean if it’s just small money i wont mind..but then the drinks are hell expensice in a club! Yet….yet the gurls are like taking u as money printer…keep ordering drinks non stop and u’re the one who pay the bill..wtf?! LoL

  3. hmmmmmmmm…i think that the one who initiated d date/dinner/wateva should pay, if u think about it, if the person din invite u in the first place, you wouldn’t have to use money at all la rite? but the girls oso shouldnt empty the guy’s wallet so fast lo, not shy 1 meh??

  4. i dont pay for girls and i dont like leeches as well and hence that makes me = not a gentleman but im happy cos i save up alot.

  5. so far for every first date i got…i pay wan leh. Damn, when i look at my date’s face which change like from raw kaya bun to burnt kaya bun…I just cant bear the nonsence and then i pay. And then I say la the magic word,”Next time u pay la horr”…so u confirm get 2nd date with him and no nid so kekok la the next time. So far, all the guys i dated when it comes to paying the bill muka sure change…dunno why but shouldn’t la change so obviously…

  6. i guess for gurls we should pay for ourselves to let guys see that gurls can be independent as well n dont need to depend on guys on wat ever things we do…at the end of the day we gurls dun need to b looked down by guys..if its first date n u feel like goin out with him then do so but dun expect too much..if they offer to pay then its okay but if they dun then pay it yourself…n if guys ask u to pay for them u can ask them to go to hell!!

  7. when i had my first date with my gf, i paid for the bill… tht’s how i should think it should be done… later on, she will cook something for me, set up a dinner at her hse or something… i think it’s not a matter about paying, it’s about enjoying the meal and moments, and in future, the girl will reciporate by paying for the next meal or cook something up for u…. as for me, her cooking and enjoying the meal in her hse is far better.
    Main Course – rm35… Drinks – rm10… Eating her cooking in her house – priceless

  8. guys shouldnt ask the girl to pay their share, girls should share the bil without any hesitation when the bil comes.Unless the guy asks her not to. u never know some girls r just out to screw ur wallet.

  9. NO NO – its not about the who asking who out part … that does not justifies why the guy must pay
    if the guys a gentlemen, he should pick her up, or the least wait for her somewhere on time and pay for her meal, and then for the gals part …
    she can do the least by buying him coffee as a sign of gratitude …

  10. stoom: fair enough, she should offer to pay for her share if there’s clubbing after dinner …
    Kian: really ah? mebbe you asked her, “you want another drink?” so she thought you’re damn generous kua… but aiyer, she should pay for some of her drinks la.
    e-Fei: aiks, if the girl ask the guy out, she should pay for it? *hehe*
    rych: forget i even asked you to marry me. ;P hehehe. that means you don’t go out paktoh la… busy dj-ing ;P
    obeliskdee: the guy’s face change? you paid for 1st date? heh. guys who show their reaction on dates not very attractive leh. i mean… you can guess what they’re thinking already.
    wk: but if the guy insisted on a damn expensive restaurant beyond my means?? so ngam i only have RM50 in my purse…
    wondney: hehehe. imagine if the guy only brings you to mamak for first date wor. and can forget wallet … how ah?
    pikey: well said. if the guy has been insisting on paying all along, i will feel pretty bad and make up for it in some ways la. but too bad i dunno how to bake la, then can bake him brownies or something. ;P
    ben: definitely have to be careful. =)
    earl-ku: the least she could do. =) but if coffee costs more than dinner, will the guy feel bad?
    galFeRari: fair! but be nice to him ya.

  11. (from tagboard)
    d_D: you’re referring to class status already. nothing to do with chivalry. =) but you’re right, that is usually the case tho.

  12. lol guys just make sure u got enough $ before u go out, if the gal pays then count it as your lucky day.
    unless it’s some damn expensive meal lah~

  13. As for me, i will usually antomatically take out the money and pay. If the guy(s) din insist to pay my part, then the conclusion is no more 2nd date. If the guy at least ‘buka mulut’ and say ‘its okla, i pay for it’ the conclusoon is there’s 2nd date and its my treat. 🙂

  14. It does depend. When it comes to dates, money is only a very minor part of the date itself. The price of paying up for your date is the look on her face after you have done so. It becomes satisfying if you know she really appreciates it.
    Girls who tell u not to pay at all are materialistic and opportunistic. If both are not working, it should go dutch. If one part is working but surviving on shoestrings..then also dutch..but if he has more than enough….he should pay or he’ll be KIAMSIAP! eheheheh

  15. frOstie: hehehe. i’m sure got la. mamak only ;P
    teeheehee: i’m the other way round la. i’ll let him pay 1st date, then i will insist on paying the 2nd date … if there is a 2nd date. ;p
    karheng: hehehe. got one laaaaa … got kiamsiap guys around leh …. my coffeebean drinks cost more than kopitiam dinner. ;P i stupid la. shouldn’t have suggested coffeebean, go home and say goodbye to him better. ;ppPpPPPp
    but actually, i forget. my guy friends also complained some girls never said thank you, after they pay for dinner and drinks. !!!!! where can one. i also shy.

  16. i think to test him out would be nice…like take out your purse and see if it generates his reaction. If he dont mind paying then he’ll voice out something. Its a win win situation.

  17. everytime l eat with diz guy, l always share my pay without him having hard to do..but then after a long while, for being friends, at least should treat once in a while as l did. >< not gentleman.

  18. e-Fei: ehehe.. aiyer, simple la. he buy dinner i pay for movie or coffee/dessert. kau tim ;P nobody owe anybody lor. =)
    pokai: i got accused once of taking out my purse too late =\ too unzip handbag takes time laaa ….
    Cherryone: ya!! i have friends like that too. like xes, never belanja me before …. terrible rite? ;PpPPpp

  19. actually, i think for 1st dates, its always should be the guy’s responsible to insist on paying. however, im not suggesting this is COMPULSORY LA. its rather of a.. err.. how should i put it, art of dating? 😛 its like 1st time the guy la. then probably in the 2nd date, perhaps the girl could pay for her share or probably treat the guy as well? i always thought 1st impression is really important. hence, paying for the 1st date should really be a guy’s thing to do.

  20. man my gf is in melbourne and im er, always moving around LOL, so most of d girls i met are just hi, and then bye friends.

  21. A girl who is serious about you will at least offer to pay. Stop kissing women’s ass and treating her as if she was a queen. That will only lead to “Hey, lets just be friends”.

  22. Theoretically, I would think the guy should pay if he’s the one who ask the girl out.
    So, if the girl was asked out for a date, the guy should pay, while the girl would be appreciated just the reach for her wallet… this is also the best chance to learn your guy.
    If he picked the place, he should be entitled to take care of the bill (assuming he should know how much it cost). but if he really want you to share, that’s a stingy guy you dated.
    While the girl just don’t be too selfish laahh… you can pay for the tip (it’s just 20% of the entire meal the guy paid for you)
    Anyhow, some guy might be more than willing to pay for a fancy dinner on the top of a high rise building just so he could easily get you to bed…. use your guts feeling laaah, a nice girl might feel the need to “reciprocate” the guy..
    so if that’s the case, maybe the girl should just pay more than a tip or better buy him dessert or coffee so you won’t feel obligated for something else you might regret later…

  23. rych: =)
    AH LOK KOR: reminds me of that saying, be careful of the toes you step on today, they may belong to the ass you may have to kiss tomorrow. ;P something like that. heh…
    Cherryone: go out with older guys.
    chaliz: hehe. last date i went only genki sushi, not kl tower also … damn …

  24. a lil l8 on comment…
    neways…i think it’s only polite and gentlemen for the guys to pay on the 1st date..it is afterall, a ticket to their FIRST impression..aint it? Firstly..whenever i offer to foot the bill or at least my share..most guys will go “no no..plsss…”…so..obviously i wont then 😀 and most of the guys that i’ve gone out with..they’ll get rather offended if i insist to pay…to them…WHY SHOULD THEY LET A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN DO THAT?? ….so…is that ego or being polite?
    btw, i do get irked when i meet some super-freaking-kiamsiap guy who goes on calculating the splitted bill and tells me how much i owe them!! #%*()&#(*A&%#^
    so…bottomline…GUYS should always offer to pay…SINCERELY… 😀

  25. flush: destroy WoW!
    mongo: sincerely, yes. but occasionally girls should pay too … =) but ah, some guys can be MCP and insist they pay for everything. so far, my dates all not like that tho. hmmph. ;P
    blabla: date who? me? where u wanna go? 😉
    HeMP: not all women are gold diggers or leeches la. my past boyfriends all never give me expensive gifts also. but then again, i never demanded before la. *damn angelic look*

  26. Actually with the coming of EQUALITY AND BRAGGING RIGHTS by WOMEN,…it shouldn’t be an issue of who is to pay. It just depends on who has the bigger heart. MOney is kiamsiap to those who are kiamsiap…..

  27. I’ll say,
    For guys:
    Up to you if you wanna pay or not. If you wanna kao lui, then its best you offer to pay. If you’re just friends and will remain as such, no obligation or incentive to offer to pay also. But if you’re rich and generous, then by all means.
    For girls:
    Don’t expect the guy to pay for you, whatever the reason may be. He may be rich, he may be the one who initiated the date, but as bimbobum said, abit not nice lar. The ‘expectation’ of a free meal gives the guy a bad impression on you, unless of course he is entranced by your beauty and doesn’t care that you’re a blood sucker *cough*. But if the guy offers to pay, then you’re free to accept or decline. But its always polite to decline once, until he insists. 😉
    Fuiyoh i ettiquette masta!

  28. bimbobum: meal cost more than the coffee?
    hmmm take it this way, if u are going for a normal hawkers meal, then feel free to go somewhere for tong sui …like KTZ?
    okay say if its a dinner with full flwdgw services or just a decent one at TGI, then coffee at Starbucks should be ok rite…
    fair enough?
    haha 🙂

  29. not to say “woman dont pay”…i guess women should offer (once again..sincerely pls!)…and if the guy accepts, then, let it be..afterall, you were bein sincere and polite too. Cos especially for dates that arent meant to go any further than just date with a FWEN..I wouldnt feel comfy if the guy go all out to pay for everything! (what’s this??!! a barter trade of something that i aint aware of?!)..
    but i have to agree…that if u “happen” to make the guy pay for a hefty meal..offer to do something similar right after or in near future.. just being courteous..that’s all.. 😀

  30. karheng: erm… takkan first date go mamak? ;P
    blabla: eHehehehe…. bluff me la u ;P
    wolfx: fuiyohhh …. mebbe can have etiquette classes, mam ;P
    earl-ku: wah, no wonder i rugi la. kopitiam dinner den i buy coffeebean coffee … thanks for the tip. ;pPppPp now only tell me.
    mongo: barter trade … one cow for a goat, issit a fair deal? ;P sorry, just teasing. =)

  31. yeah seriously i hate it too when kiamsiap guys do that, split half to half equally, every single cent calculated. i mean like dude just pay for the thing la and ill pay for our next meal. and i mean i will, willingly! im not gonna runaway to china ok. i mean its okay if he goes yeah just gimme ten bucks i’ll settle the rest. its really not about the money, its just u can tell how a person is like with all these itsy bitsy details! usually we go fuck that, he’s a stinge. next please~ hahahaha!

  32. Guys & Gals. Don’t misread me. Use common sense. Pay if you feel the girl deserves (good natured and pleasant) it and not those who come on a date expecting a free 3 course meal & and has a bitchy attitude. Just make sure there is equality in the power play of both people. Just dun be a wussy and kiss ass. That will only get you taken advantaged of.
    A girl deserves it when you feel she is sincere and genuine.

  33. Yeah bimbobum. Chen Leong. I guess there is a niche-topic for a new blog :). Should be named “social dynamics” 🙂

  34. I kinda suspect the paying for a girls bill works most of the time.. coz i keep wondering why its always all the chicks with the rich\sohai guys, while the poorer\middle class nice guys always remain single.

  35. zing: aHAHaha~ u know me and my girl friends wonder the same too? “mebbe we shdn’t be offering to pay when we go out with guys…..” never get pampered, hmmph. ;P

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