“i’m not interested, sorry.”

i agreed to have dinner with this guy who made me laugh, when i first met him at a friend’s birthday party a few months ago. i thought i’d give it a try, i mean, everyone says there’s no harm in making new friends, right?
he didn’t attract me in the first place anyway. average looking and his dressing sense was …… not my type. ;P
a few weeks later (after the birthday party) we had supper, and watched a movie together. i figured there wasn’t any harm in going out as friends. really. i did offer to pay my share. =)
it was then i realised that i wasn’t attracted to him at all. see, girls tend to analyse the situation before, during and after dates or outings with guys, in order to see where they stand or whether the guy is really interested or not. so you can’t blame me for arriving at that realisation (that i’m just not attracted to him).
right after that, he asked me out for dinner and another movie again, which i declined, my reasons given.
but he persisted, and i began to feel a bit cornered. i felt bad because i couldn’t be coming up with excuses all the time and avoiding his calls and ignoring his sms-es.
it was a dead-end discussion with my girl friends as to how to deal with the situation delicately as possible.

(a) agree to go out, but insist on a group thingy; or
(b) go out and keep harping on the fact that “hey, we’re friends what.” – use that phrase 2047 times if possible;
or (c) ask him straight, “are you trying to court me or something?” and then tell him, “but we’re just good friends.”
or (d) continue to avoid and run away like hell – he’ll get the hint, eventually.


argggh.
but imagine if i had chosen (c) and this happened over dinner:
guy: blah blah blah blah …. shall we go watch a movie again this saturday?
me: again? why?
guy: why not? watch laaa
me: err …. what are you trying to do? are you trying to court me or something? because seriously, we’re just good friends. don’t take it the wrong way, but i think we’re just good friends… ya. we’re just good friends. you know i’m not your type leh …
guy: WHAT? oh my god, you stupid woman! you damn perasan (got the wrong idea) right? asking you out for another movie and you think i’m courting you??
guy: of course la just good friends. what did you think? that your fat ass attracted me to start courting you? please, for goodness sake, go look in the mirror, man! i’m just pitying you that no one wants to date you. i’m doing you a favour, man! you stupid wrinkly prune …. ‘court you’ my foot la!!

me: ……………….. oh my god, you stupid perasan piece of shit! you go look in the mirror la. dressing sense from which century, your grandma does your shopping for you, is it? i’m the one doing you a favour by coming out with you!!
imagine if that happened.
is there a nicer way to hint or get the message across that, “i’m not interested, sorry.”?

31 thoughts on ““i’m not interested, sorry.””

  1. yea i understand your situation…but as a guy…i feel that if a woman who knows that a guy is trying to court them…if they are not interested..then its best to just tell them right away…instead of giving the poor fella false hope..if u get whut i mean..its best to let him know now..rather than later =)

  2. lol..if u think about it..whut’s the worst he will do when u tell him that u’re not interested ?? if he is man enough..he accept it with no further questions..why force someone to be in a relationship with u ? its..sad don’t cha think ?

  3. boob_omatic: LDRs are tough. extra effort must be put in by both parties to make it work, that’s my opinion. sometimes there are boundaries and stuff to be set down.

  4. i think you should just go out with him and see what is up his sleve.Don’t assume/say anything until he does or say something very obvious that he’s after you. After all,a few good movies and some eating session with a friend won’t harm.If you do feel uncomfortable,grab a friend along.If he wants to be your friend, i’m sure he won’t mind.If he minds,then yeah you know ur answer. =}

  5. some guys just dont get it even when u tell them right on their face. i guess when that comes along, u need to run away or avoid them.

  6. julz: ya lor. can’t jump to conclusions just yet.
    jane: hehe. i’m sure that’s how some guys deal with it too…. they run away, ignore the girl and don’t reply sms-es.

  7. yVONnest: what if some of the boundaries are crossed and the other party doesn’t seem or is too ignorant to put in the necessary effort?. sometimes, it gets very frustrating and heart-wrenching.

  8. bimbobum: i read this topic with interest and sadly many girls, (trying to be nice) tends to mislead guys with the wrong signals. (Females aren’t perfect too). However, bear in mind that this guy enjoys having you in his sight, much less, the interest. A guy who is interested shows he is. vice versa.
    Guys can be very simple to understand beings. If they want something, they let u know. In this instance, it’s clear he’s courting you. Ignoring him will only make him long for you MOREEE…(the human behavior of wanting things you can’t get). Whilst, on the other hand, you should be clear with him that you’re not really interested in having a relationship with him. Maybe you can hint to him, saying..”hey…do you know what a guy likes to get on his birthday because I have this huge crush on this guy and I just don’t know what to get him…” I think he’ll get the hint. ;p

  9. boob_matic: LDRs is really a challenge. Both parties have to be on the same page. I’m working in jeddah now and for the near future, while my gf is back in sg. But we have been together for so long, we sort of understand each other and we are working hand in hand to make this situation work.

  10. boob_omatic: clause 34.7(89)(i)(a)(ff) of my guestblogging contract states that in the event a photo of me has to be shown on this blog, it will be with a paperbag.
    i’m an embarrassment, apparently. hehe.
    and yeah, i agree with soonho, LDRs is a challenge which both parties have to work hand in hand. oh, and it involves a lot of talking and opening up to each other – communicate. =)
    karheng: this was a few months ago. which option i took, i won’t tell la. but technically it involved all the above. hehe. of course i didn’t repeat “eh,we’re just friends” bit 2047 times la ..
    but seriously, guys DO do the ignoring bit also right, when they’re running away from a desperate admirer or something. =)

  11. well….keep insisting u r friends at the right time lor..can go out with him wat..
    but keep on hinting won’t bring u anywhere far.
    I agree with Julz..
    maybe u worried too much leh??
    hehehehe

  12. there’re some guys out there who’s errr…emotionless, u cant see or sense what he wants from u (even with our great 9th sense or super duper power). Maybe ask him indirectly or read his body language. But from what u said, obviously he’s into u. Depends la, if he’s those who got fed up easily then he might get ur hint, if not then will take some time…is he like UHU gam?

  13. electronicfly: after i get accused of leading him on, if i keep going out with him. ;P
    peggy: hehehe. i know leh, cannot simply assume. so it’s tough. oh well. i’m sure he’s just bored and just wanted to be friends. =)
    janet: but … what’s my real name?? =) he can read this blog, but would he know it’s me wor?
    obeliskdee: emotionless or thick skinned? eh, but seriously, guys also use (d) as their tactics leh. i’ve been ignored numerous times (probably because my skirt wasn’t short enough?) by those fellas.
    ever wondered why it’s always full circle, you like this guy, but he doesnt like you, but some other fella you’re really not interested in, likes you. ;P
    XES’ TURN TO BLOG. if no posts today, not my fault. BLAME FRANK_OMATIC TOO. if you miss frank, pls bomb his mailbox [i think his page has his email address?]. =)

  14. bimbobum: I’ll go for choice ‘a’.
    Its safest. Sometimes guys enjoy a girl’s company without any other intent. Just to dig info from you is he doing any of the following:
    1.) call you every other day and talk about random stuff
    2.) sms you everytime and if you don’t reply he will ask you why you never reply him
    3.) insist on seeing you although you said you are busy on that day.
    If he does any of the above, its safe to assume he has some interest. If not, i would just keep my assumptions to myself and if you enjoy his company, why not?
    Aiya….dun have to act all cold and mean if you suspect he has the hots for you.

  15. some girls are funny. i went out for lunch with a girl once, whom ive never gone out with before(not without a group of frens at least)…and i paid for the lunch. Later that day, she called and this is how the conversation went:
    Girl :Hey, are u trying to make a pass on me?
    Me: huh??!?? what on earth gave u that idea??
    Girl: dunno, coz u bought me lunch and all…
    Me:!!!!!
    Funniest part was, she was the one who called me for lunch. :\

  16. sorry the last post may not have any relevance to the topic, but heres something,..if u think the guy has interest, then u’re most likely to be correct. Most of the time at least.

  17. wolfx: but if he starts asking bout yr dating history, and what happened to the last ex – is that making conversation, or trying to see if he has a chance? ;P
    zing: aHahahaha…. OMG. she damn direct right? and

  18. sorry, din see earlier comments.
    david: so ganas for what. make love not war. that is, if interested in the fella la. if not, RUN. ;P
    peggy: thanks. hehehe. mebbe i can pass him to u? ;P

  19. zing: respect for u dude 😛 how did u answered her? did u tell her off nicely or did u like eRr.. ignore her ? sorry for being pat kua. i just wanted to know how ppl would usually handle these situation perfectly. i did badly in my own experiences

  20. wah, guys also quite kepoh ah <– referring to xes and honfaai.
    honfaai: come come… i give you tuition in dealing with girls. eheheh. ;P

  21. bimbobum: not direct per se, but i think she’s just abit sensitive. We’re still friends tho haha 🙂
    Honfaai: the conversation i typed in my earlier comment..thats exactly how i answer. “zing:!!!!” haha. nothing much ler just said no lar of course. 🙂 btw, take up bimbobums offer about tuiton, bring a syp-cam along so we get to see who she is.
    Xes: haha very funny muthaf*k*r. i kill u one day. and no its not the short petite girl. did i mentioned that i’ll kill u? and whoeevr told u about it.

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