men can’t take rejection

the girl friends and i have often wondered why do guys take rejection in such a bad way. and so happened a girl friend asked me the same thing a few nights ago, “why can’t we just continue to be friends with the guys after we say no?”
a long time ago (hehe, sorry, grandma story here!) a good friend confessed to me that he was interested in me. his crush developed since high school and right through college. i was shocked, because all this while i had always believed that my good friends are just good friends, we cannot go beyond that. (that’s me, sorry.) and at that time, i had just started seeing someone, so i told him that. but i don’t think i would’ve told him that even if i was not seeing someone, i would not have liked him in ‘that kind of way’.
he walked away from me after i told him that, without looking back. (damn drama, i tell you.) and he never spoke to me for 2 years.
for me, the hardest thing is losing a good friend. and i really hate it when it happens.
so why can’t men remain friends with the girls who rejected them? this is the universal question.
a guy friend told me that it is hard to continue being a good friend with the girl they like right after the rejection. it’s painful, apaprently, to continue as if nothing happened, and suppressing the hurt inside. and the expectation which built up during the friendship makes it difficult. so he had to cut off all ties with the girl, to get on with life.
sheesh, i tell you. there we are, suckers to think that the guy was sweet enough to be good friends with us, so that means all this while, there was an ulterior motive to the friendship?
anyway, my friend just broke some guy’s heart and right after he found out she had a boyfriend, he did what guys usually do to deal with all problems under the sun – got drunk.
so guys, do tell us about ‘your pain’. i’d like to know why foregoing a friendship seems to be the only option to deal with rejection. 😉 and yes, i know this doesn’t apply across the board, but 99% of the guys i know do this kind of shit.

27 thoughts on “men can’t take rejection”

  1. Hello,
    I like this blog, it seems to have a good balance between cool happening reviews as well as slightly bitchy (in a good way of course) insights from the female’s point of view.
    I know it sounds nice to be able to be friends etc after such a bomb has been dropped. But givelar some time to recuperate emotionally? Maybe most guys are just a bunch of wuss inside 🙂

  2. Lol, i never recalled being rejected ever hehehe. So yeah, I nvr experienced all the stuff guys are supposedly doing when rejected..
    ps: xes is right tho. Men should just smoke it haha.. If i got his meaning right la.. In fact, they should smoke it all the time 😉

  3. hmm…bimbobum, it really depends, if a guy is being nice to you and you being nice to the guy and develop a certain something then go ahead and give it a shot. Afterall, you always test a product before you actually buy it 🙂 but on the other hand if he’s being soo nice and you’re not interested then no point pushing it. Depends on situation really. But life is a journey, just enjoy the ride 😉

  4. men r liddat, must keep a certain level of “macho-ness” and/or manhood. once rejected, it would feel like the sky is falling. n the fact that man had always been the stronger sex, being pushed away and stomped by a girl/woman is just too hard to bear.
    but hell yeah, a girl is just a girl, she don’t like u, u walk away. dont get attached to that bs situation. anyway there’s plenty of fish in the water, go grab a bigger net n u’ll be fine

  5. haha well the feelings is still there, so it’s a bit difficult to be frens. imagine everytime u hav to meet her just to know that u will onli put us in a “fren zone”. The only way to get rid of this feelings is to get far away from it until it cools down, and the only solution is to break contact. But not all guys like that lar, there was 1 time when i confess to a gal and she rejected me and siad lets just be frens, next thing i know she was avoiding me.. what gives?

  6. Wanna hear a girl’s point of view?
    I think this happens becuz the guy never had “reality check” along the way while being nice the girl he had a crush on…
    Why would u wait for several years to let the girl know how u feel?? Vice versa, why would u wait that long not finding out if the girl ever feel the same way to u?
    It happens all the time that people we like already with someone… and u got to learn to accept it and let it go.
    The earlier u guys realize this, the less “EGO” u gotta lose when being rejected.
    Good luck dude!!

  7. as a person, i alwiz have tis principle of preparing 4 e worst when u r going 2 do anything. when u confess, u know ur chances r 50-50. u either fail or succeed. if u fail, u move on. if u succeed, u r happy of coz. if u have tis in mind, u can accept e worst possible answer.
    i guess some people r just born not 2 able 2 accept ‘defeats’. too arrogant? too much ego? too much self-confidence? i c many people like dat.
    2 me, tis is not a gender issue. it is e same for both sexes n not all guys r like dat. surely, when e confession is made, e friendship will b affected abit. but i believe both can still remain frens if it is e best interest of at least 1 party dat there will b no more hope n dun try harder 2 win over when e other person said they r not interested.
    i meet a diehard girl who wun give up after u say no! dat’s e terrible thing! they just keep on hoping eventhough u clearly say NO! dat’s where u dun wan 2 get close n talk! it irritates u!

  8. Well, I don’t think it’s about getting hurt over a rejection or whatsoever.
    It is all down to ego. Many men are too ego to continue being friends with their ex-gfs, or the girls whom rejected them.
    At least that is what I think. =)

  9. It is all ego. It really depends on situation. If the girl is in your circle of closest hommies, then it won’t be happening… because you will be seeing your hommies, hang out, gathering etc.
    But if the girl is introduced by someone else… like friend’s friend… or in Friendster speak… the 2nd or 3rd degree friends, then its normal to not talking the girl. Why you may ask, well because if we guys keep on seeing the girl who rejected us, its very painful as in “so near yet so far”. It will make a guy to always think about the girl, think of new plans to court the girl and make life miserable for no positive results. Whats the point, right ?
    And Thrillseeker is right. Even if they continue to be friends… imagine you in a party or something, if you see the girl avoiding you.. or worse still.. being close with some other guy friends (not to say they are in relationship), you’d get jealous. Yes, jealous. And it spoils the mood. And therefore, drink until drunk and dont give a sheet to the girl.
    Geez. I’m lost in typing… get me a smirnoff please..

  10. haiya..this type of things…
    straight forward oni..
    if a guy who needs to take such a long time to confess he likes a gal…..then of course..he will be so depressed when the gal just say no…
    it’s like banging into a brick wall lor…u know what i mean? It’s painful but to get back on track….he has to not see things which remind him of the pain..sorta like…avoidance style…if he see…he feels so sat pai himself.. …he tot he already broke all the barriers but his mata see too narrow ….if only he understood what it means to be loved back…..
    Like for me leh..kena reject once…nVM! keep trying…eventually I oso get! HeEhEhee! well i guess the most important thing is to know what your chances are from day 1…If u know ur never gonna get a girl that u like…dun bother…when u do get her..u might find out her other side…then u LONG PIAK (bang wall in hokkien) even worse la!

  11. I think if a girl got rejected, also the same way gua. Hurt la…keep keep for so long. If keep inside the bank at least still got interest, this one keep for years, not only dont have interest, heart kena smashed pula. Even ex-es also hard to become friends wert. That’s my opinion la.

  12. *cross eyed*
    at a glance, i only can see someone saying i’m bitchy. hehe. *throws girly tantrum* ;P jk!!
    xes: u condone smoking meh??? i thought orgies..
    D: heya back. 😉 true, ppl need time to recuperate, but it sucks when it hurts the friendship too!
    aki: wah, how many guys have to rejected?? 30? 50? dammit, must surely break my record la. ;P
    stoom: yer, show off. ;ppPpPpPp all the girls say yes to you, huh? ;P
    johnson: hehe. “life’s a journey, enjoy the ride” sounds soooo familiar. CARS? ;P aiya, it hurts the girl too if she has become dependent on the guy as a good friend, and when he drops the bombshell…. he just walks away. sniff. have to find a new friend to be dependent on.
    blah: wah wah… so macho! hehehe. if you’re a geek being turned down by a mega-babe, of course have to jaga the ego a bit la. but geez, in the real world, just act normal, hi & and bye only, don’t have to totally cut someone out of your life, rite? 😉
    Thrillseeker: i know, i know!!! first, there is guilt for breaking your heart (i’ve been there). second, she tries to read into your actions after you drop the bomb, like, are you being nice to her because you’re secretly hoping to have a chance in the near future, or just being a good friend (i’ve been there!). and thirdly… uhmmm… it depends la. if you guys were never good friends in the first place, then she suddenly sees you as one desperado! so she decides that she has to RUN!! uhmm… i can’t remember if i’ve been there. ;P
    chaliz: true… gotta test the water first, before getting your emotions out of hand.
    DieHardX: ahahahah…. dammit! now i’m trying to recall if i was ever that desperate for a guy. *thinks*
    zhong: ego. pride. whatever. ;P do you think a guy’s reaction would be different if he was much older?
    endroo G: it makes the situation much tougher to deal with, i guess, if both parties have mutual friends. 😉 but like i said, don’t have to have a conversation with the person when everyone meets up. just hi and bye la, and “pass the salt, please” or something neutral. hehe. or mebbe the guy’s scared he’ll spend too much time staring at the girl, thinking, “why??? damn you, why???” ;pPpPP
    karheng: wah, my hokkien must quite bad since i never knew “long piak” existed. true also la, long term crushes only work out in the end in fairy tales and teeny bopper movies, not in real life.
    now if i could be like anna nicole smith and find a rich old man…….
    obeliskdee: uhmmm… it takes time. but imagine if you go through with life finding that hey, that person who was a good friend, is the only person who shared the same interests as you? wasted or not, the friendship? ;P get over the rejection quickly and be acquaintances if not friends then.
    hehehe. just wondering what would your reaction be if i told you i’m actually a boy pretending to blog from a girl’s point of view. ;PpppPpPpPp aiya, dammit. april’s fool is over. 😉 sorry, just feeling cheeky. ;P

  13. ooh, and i’m sorry. i have to admit i changed the “title” at the last minute. saja wanted to kacau the guys. ;P

  14. But really, its not really just guys la. You’re just saying guys can’t handle rejection BECAUSE its usually the guys that do the confessing. But in today’s day and age, even the girls confess, and get rejected.
    I got some “experiences” la but don’t want say. Later you say me “dreaming” or “shiok sendiri”.

  15. aiks. can go out but no need to say this “i love you” thing first la. scary. ;P
    ehehehe… give la some examples of your experience.

  16. You women are stupid. You sit on your barstool and pick and choose and never have to take the risk of rejection. The man does all the work and spends all the money. You live like gods holding the self esteem of others in the palm of your hand and crush it for a whim. Girl’s whole self image is based on one thing, how they look, period. Yet, they will turn down a guy who looks good because of “personality” which is always assumed that a good looking guy does not have because he intimidates the girl who is so focused on her own looks and self image. Any good looking guy is a threat to a good looking woman for this reason, and he will be punished for making her feel that way, because women are spoiled, selfish, conceited narcissistic creatures who care only about themeselves. The reject so frivolously, telling a man that he is sexually inferior, yet have the balls to wonder why he is upset at being told he is less than a man. I know that rejection means nothing though, because the female attraction mechanism is based on nothing. Women say they go for “personality” and reject that attractive guy, yet they always date a complete jerk who cheats on them, yet cry on the shoulder of the “nice” guy and refuse to date him because he isn’t “exciting” like the jerk. Wait a minute, I thought you went for “personality.” The guy they pick is always ugly, or at least most of the time. This makes no sense. They crush the self esteem of the attractive guy who has every thing to lose when he gets rejected. And they love to do this, since they were intimidated of the guy, they make him pay for how they feel about themselves and then say he has no personality, as if its a crime to be attractive, yet, the girl lives off her looks and nothing more. The girls who cry about this “personality” bullshit all have their nose in the air, walk around like a fascist ice queen, reject everybody but the biggest loser they can find with the biggest wallet. They have a tag on their car that says “2hot4U”, they wear a shirt that says “princess”, ask all around them “could I be a model”, demand to be bought and paid for like they deserve a free ride in this world because they have a pair of tits, and surround themselves with ugly girls since they hate all other good looking women and want to make themselves feel better by having other women around them that they feel are inferior to them based on nothing but looks. They are irrational, selfish and think with nothing but their emotions and their ego, yet have the audacity to judge another person’s personality, which is just a code word for saying they want an ugly jerk, loser, tool homo that they can control to feel better about their arrogant self.
    If these conceited selfish women would get their face out of the mirror long enough to go up and ask a guy for a date, and then get turn down, they would probably kill themselves.
    Imagine it this way: you are a blond, you are the hottest girl in the room, and you walk up to a reasonably attractive guy that you think is a match for you, he puts his nose in the air, he insults you for daring to compliment him, he turns you down, then walks up to the ugliest, fattest girl in the room, who has the worst, most arrogant attitude and then walks away laughing at the harm he has done you. Imagine this happening over 90% of the time you summon the courage to ask out a guy. Then, you have to walk around watching all the fat, ugly girls with all the good looking guys, day after day. Then, the guys say, I wonder why she is mad, I only turned her down, I only told her she wasn’t good enough. And, its because we only go for whats inside. After all, no good looking girl has a personality, we go for “other things”, its not all about sex, its who you are inside, and there is no way this girl could have a “personaility”, just look at her.
    you are all insane, and you are too spoiled and irrational to know. Take your ugly guys and burn in hell, all of you.
    MEN CAN’T TAKE REJECTION? NEITHER CAN YOU, ITS WHY YOU DON’T ASK, STUPID BITCHES!!!!! YOU ARE AFRAID OF YOUR OWN SHADOWS. BUT, YOU WON’T GET TURNED DOWN IF YOU ARE OBJECTIVELY ATTRACTIVE AND ARE NICE, SINCE GUYS ARE RATIONAL AND THINK IN TANGIBLE, OBJECTIVE TERMS.

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