Lighten up!

As time passes, everything changes. Black Panthers are killed deliberately despite having ‘good intentions’ to preserve them. Bollywood, instead of Hollywood, is now the biggest movie industry in the world. Even Isaac Newton’s logic and laws in physics…
Sigh! Just read on…

Recently Isaac Newton, the father of physics, made a visit to Earth to watch a movie. He watched a few Tamil movies and his head was in a spin. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologised for everything he had done. Here are a few scenes from
Vijayakanth’s movies:

Vijayakanth has a brain tumour which, according to the doctors, can’t be
cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Vijayakanth is shot
in the head. To everybody’s surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking
away the tumour along with it and he is cured. Long live Vijayakanth!

Vijayakanth is confronted with three gangsters. He has a gun but unfortunately
only one bullet. Guess, what he does? He throws a knife at the gangster
standing in the centre and shoots at the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into
two pieces, killing both the gangsters flanking the one in the centre, while
the knife kills the middle one.

Vijayakanth is chased by a gangster. Vijayakanth has a revolver but he
has no bullets in it. Guess, what he does? No, not even in your remotest imagination.
As soon as the gangster shoots, Vijayakanth opens the bullet compartment of his
revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his
gun … and the gangster dies.

This was too much for our Newton to take and he was completely shaken and he decided to go back. But he stayed around to watch another movie, thinking that at least it will follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes on fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn’t changed.

Oops! Not so fast. The climax finally arrives. Vijayakanth gets to know that the
villain is on the other side of a very high wall. It’s so high that Vijayakanth
can’t jump even if he tries one of those superman techniques our heroes
normally use.

He has to desperately kill the villain. Vijayakanth pulls out two guns
from his pocket. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun reaches the height
of the wall, he shoots at the trigger of the first gun in the air with his second gun.
Now the first gun fires off and the villain is dead. Newton faints!

I also pengsan…

apples and grapes

Here’s something I got from a dear friend…

A dedication to all Women – single or not-so-single

Women are like apples on trees.The best ones are at the top of the tree.
Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy…….

So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to
come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of
the tree.

Share this with other women who are good apples, even those who have
already been picked!

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to women to
stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to
have dinner with…

XeS’s power to create LoMance

This goes out To ALL xEs’s fans out there
Oh, you know who you are… ~

xEs’s PoWer to crEAte ROmAnce

xEs’s power to create romance is OKAY
But this power is suppressed due to his passive personality
That said, he is very good at getting other people’s attention and care
It’s simply not hard for him to get a good and caring partner
However, he should be aware that other people may get jealous of him…

This result is courtesy of
*Is this true??

Old people stories

I had classes from 6PM – 8:30PM today. Well, my usual night classes. Joseph (my lecturer) conducts really good lectures. He simplifies everything in order for us to understand.

The late classes are to cater part time students. However, after a long day of work, it’s hard to concentrate. Working and studying isn’t easy. After my work on Monday, I would automatically fall asleep in class.

There’s this particular uncle in our class who falls asleep for half an hour every time he comes to class. He sleeps with his head tilted backways, sometimes in the fishing position, you know, its when your head keeps on nodding downwards.

So today, after class, Feonna, Jane (my classmates) and I went to this huge ass Night Market around my area. Huge but the lanes were pretty small hence we had to literally squeeze our way through.

While walking..
Me: god damn many people..gotta squeeze through.
Then I felt something soft.. and fleshy..i turned around.. and saw this really obese old aunty. I accidentally elbowed her tits. I shivered in disgust. BRRR

Ok fine. I ignored it and bought some snacks and bootlegged DVDs.

Massoc DnD 2004

Below are some of the picture of the MASSOC 2004 Dinner and Dance…

Thanks to Albert, I am part of the DnD crowd… =’)

What? Did I hear you ask why Albert didn’t want to go?
Oh…he said he didn’t know how to iron his shirt. And his ticket was going to be wasted. So, he decided I should have it instead…how sweet of Albert~~


p/s: siew pao, please edit this blog ok??
pp/s: siew pao is sweeter! heheeheee………

Here are some fappable materials..


The following was sent to my Inbox earlier, hoping to share a good laugh with all you visitors!

These are the things people actually said in US courts, taken down and published by court reporters – who suffered the torment of trying to keep straight faces while these exchanges were taking place. Some of these are excellent; don’t miss the last one.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
you’ve forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved
in voodoo or The occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Now Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies
in his sleep, he doesn’t know anything about it until the
next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception [of the baby] was August
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, ok? What school
you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8.30 pm.
Q: And Mr Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But the patient could still have been alive,
A: Yes it is possible that he could have been alive
and practising law somewhere.

Me’s Life Story

It’s ironic that when you go all out to do a questionnaire, you end up knowing more than you should. As for my case, I with very much pride did my first interview with the Crookesmoor Building’s porter on the issue of the division of assets on divorce. A family law questionnaire, it is.

Conducting the interview with the intention of completing it within 15 minutes at the most, I ended up having a very knowledgeable conversation with a mid 40s man. He spoke to me about all sorts of things. From his ex-wife all the way to his great great great great … his ancestors of 200 years ago George Ingram. In his opinion, although he didn’t think his ex-wife deserved the matrimonial home, he feels that it was fair that she gets it in order for them to reach a clear settlement. He doesn’t have any children but if he still have any property left after his death, they will be the beneficiaries of his will.

Porter: Money is always a cause to all worries. If you didn’t have any money, you will not have any worries.

Then, he went on to tell me about his life as a child. How difficult it was for him and for the people living in that era, especially when his father was on strike for 12 weeks. His mom told him specifically that he wasn’t going to eat much for Christmas that year because they didn’t have enough to go round. And because of that, he will never forget that it was his grandmother who put clothes on his back.

His grandmother was a lady of pride. When her son (the porter’s dad) worn out a pair of shoes, until it has got a big hole in the sole, his father’s Aunt May, went to buy him a new pair of shoes. Much to his appreciation, he went home and told his mom of his new shoes – his precious. Unfortunately his mom went:-

Mom: Where did you get those shoes from!?!? I forbid you ever going to my relatives to beg for anything.

So, poor porter’s father had to walk all the way to his Aunt May’s house and return her the shoes.

Moving on, I found out that both the porter’s grandfather have only 1 eye each. hehehehee…
One was due to workplace injury and another was because he cheated in some poker game and was caught.

There were lots more that he told me…but I guess I’ll end here with a selection of the morals of the story…

1. Never interview anyone older than the age of 20
2. If you have any money, give them to me. Money is a cause to all worries, remember?
3. Don’t tell your mom of your new purchases
4. If you cheat, don’t get caught.


It’s so ironic to post right after ‘I want sex on a Ferrari’.

For a start, I have been using the nick galFeRari since the creation of MIRC. There’s a missing ‘R’ in the middle because of the then IRC allowed only a max of 9 alphabets in every nick.

Often referred to as DimSum by Xes, although I seriously cannot tell how my name, Tobie Chow Wan San can be connoted to it.

Nope, I would seriously not have sex on a ferrari, not if it’s mine…

p/s: many thanks to XeS for letting me be one of his guestbloggers!!



DB: Baby I should have xxxxx you that night but don’t worry I’ll make up for that. I’m going to xxxxx you for a long long time . . . I’m driving and I’ve nearly crashed after that message, keep them coming. X

SM: How fast are you driving and what car is it?

DB: Too fast and the Ferrari. X

Later Sarah texts: I’m sitting next to you, getting ready to . . .

DB: Too late. I’ve already got my clothes off ready to . . .

SM: It’s an Armani spaghetti-strap dress you can see. I have naughty Pradas on with garter belt. I like taking my time. Unlike you. Have driven down a dark alley and am already trying to tear everything off with one hand, and with the other . . .

DB: Sarah, them straps come off them gorgeous shoulders slowly, to reveal THE BODY and then I take my time with the rest of you. I won’t be rushing anything.

SM: Really. Just as you try to put your hand up my thighs, get out of the car walk over to your side, your car lights still on so you can see me strip in front of ya Ferrari into nothing but my lingerie, open your door, push your seat down and get on top of you.

DB: I could stop the car, pull the hand brake. Lie you on top of the car, slide my hands up your xxxxx , pull them down and kiss all the way up the inside of your legs and then I would xxxxx you and xxxxx your xxxxx and then make love to you on the car. X

In other texts, Becks is alleged to have said: I need to c u so bad. I need that neck . . . I’m still feeling that electricity! Are you? I wanted you the first time I saw you. XX

I want my mouth in more places the next time. First of all your neck, then it would be your xxxxx, then I would make love to you for some time then a cuddle and a kiss. X

You like being taken by surprise u like your calfs massaged u like the xxxxx, you like it nice and slow but you also like it fast and furious! I can’t wait to kiss u head to toe then sit you down and your xxxxx and xxxxx u so hard 🙂 X

SARAH Marbeck claims that David Beckham sent her racy text messages in which he fantasised about making love to her on the bonnet of the Ferrari 550 that Posh bought him.

Recent stories over the 28-year-old football hero’s alleged infidelity have filled the pages of all the British tabloid newspapers.

Rebecca Loos, the footballer’s former PA, is to give a TV interview with Sky One over claims of her affair with Beckham.

Malaysian-born Sarah Marbeck, 29, also alleges that she slept with Beckham.

In a statement released by her lawyer in Australia, Marbeck said she decided to reveal the alleged relationship because she spent two years waiting for the England captain.

“He said he loved me and I slept with the phone by my bed waiting for it to ring.

Sarah Marbeck.. 😀