The Client Part 1

One of the beauty of being in practice is the different people you will meet. You will be amazed, how dumb and helpless a person will become when he/she is desperate.

I had this client, S. S has my mobile phone number. Yeah, thanks to my clerk who don’t really understand my “Don’t give my phone number to the client” policy. S’s wife had just passed away so he wanted us to extract a Probate Certificate from the Court. It’s a simple lar…real simple one. All i need to do is make sure that all the Cause papers are in order and i would be able to get the Grant of Probate. The day before the hearing, S wanted to know what would happen during the trial. So i brief him…

“Mr. S very simple only. I will tell the Registrar that all our papers are in order and we will get the Grant of Probate.”

Sound simple right. IT’S DAMN SIMPLE LAR! GOD DAMN IT! Apparently, S was still very worry. He was worried that i could not wake up for the hearing. He sms-ed me at 7pm.

“Frank, Remember my Probate hearing tommorow morninig. Thanks”
He was worried that i didn’t leave my house early and hence stuck in the jam. He sms-ed me at 8am

“Frank, are you in Shah Alam Court yet?”

8am lar! The hearing don’t start until 9am.

Fine enough. I appreciate his kind reminders. As usual, i arrived and parked my car in Shah Alam Court at 8.30am. He said that he would be there around that time as well. I waited and waited…no sign of Mr. S and his two Petitioners.

At 9.30am, i called him…

“Mr.S, where are you?”

“I am stuck in the jam lar?.”

So much for all the reminders to me, Mr. S?

Finally he came at 9:45am and we got the Probate.

Then after, the nightmare starts…he would sms me every two or three days to ask me to extract the Certificate from the Court. Comon man, i am only human and the Court don’t work for him. I tried my best.
Later on, i changed my number. Mr. S could no longer sms me anymore. Instead he CALL my office…

“Why everytime i call you, you always tell me that you are chasing the Court for my Cert but no News one?”

“I am really chasing them hard.”

“Yeah but not good enough. You kept telling me the same thing everytime i call you.”

Bugger that is the truth, wah. What do you want?

Then he went on to give me stupid one liner…

” Serionsly Frank. If i am a rapist, i would like my case to be delayed as long as the year of 2020. But I AM NOT.”

Sorry Mr.S, i didn’t graduate from Hogwart, School of Wizardary and Witchcraft. I cannot jinx the Court staff when they refuse to work fast.

On a foggy day…

Last Thrusday an extremly fogging hazy day, i took the LRT down to KL for a meeting. On the way back, i stopped by Kelana Jaya Station to top up my Touch n’ Go Card. There were this couple standing in front of me, a melay lady and her caucasian boyfriend. I was not very sure what was wrong with their card but it took ages for the clerk to top up their card. While, we were waiting for their card to be topped up…

Lady: Honey, can you see where is my mouth. (The lady was wearing mask)
Mat Salleh: ooooh…let me see.
Then they kissed each other.
Mat Salleh: No, i can’t find it
Then, the man french kissed the lady whom were wearing a mask. God Damn it, get a room lar!!! I was standing less than 30cm behind them. Suddenly…
Man: oooi, apa you orang buat! (oooi, what are both of you doing!)
All of us turned behind and saw a masked melay Guard.
Man: Tak boleh cium cium di sini! Kami orang Islam! (No kissing here! We are muslim)
Then suddenly….
Mat Salleh: ini his-teri saye. Kame aken ber-car-win tak lame legi (This is my wife. We are gonna get marry soon)
The Mat Salleh could speak Melay with American Accent!!! Fogging Hell!!!
Man: Tak boleh. Sini orang ramai! (Cannot! This is a public place)
Mat Salleh: Bah-lik roh-mah bole-hhh buat keh? (Can we do it at home?)
Man: Belum kahwin, tak boleh! (Not married yet, cannot!)
Then,they went on arguing with each other for a good 3-4 mins…Amazingly, their Touch n’ Go Card took that fogging long to be reloaded as well.
Finally, my turn…
Me: Cek, tambeh nilei lime puluh ring-git (Miss, top up RM50 plz)
The Clerk stared at me….
ooooh My God!!! I am speaking American accented Melay as well…FOGGING HELL

Thrash bin and of where we come from…

Remember when we were young, we used to ask our mummy and daddy where we come from and their answer would sometimes be,

“We pick you from the thrash bin.”

So whenever we pass by the rubbish dump site, we would somehow had a nostagic feeling for it.


That is where we come from?

“Hey look! There is where i come from. Hmmm…but it’s stinky place. No wonder, everytime after mummy bath me, she will put a lot of talcum powder on me.”

And whenever our parents got angry with us, they would say
“I wish that I have never picked u up from that thrash bin. There are plenty of nicer baby for me to choose from last time!”

Then you would have the picture in your head that everytime a man and woman get marry, they dig zealously at the rubbish dump site for a baby.


two women digging for baby?

And also that time when you were angry at your parents, you would look at the dust bin…


That was where we once live before our parents “adopted” us?

“Stupid dust bin, why don’t you have a cover so i can hied myself from this evil parents of mine.”

and not to forgot that time when you were unhappy with your parents because they did not give you enough allowance.

“AAAARG…i wanna get into the dust bin again and let a rich parents pick me!!!”

So u wanna be a snake hunter…

Apparently snake hunter is a very lucrative profession in Kedah. I hear that the snake hunter in Kedah catches snake with their barehand.

Damn brave, man!!! Unfortunately, i have yet to seen them in action. I wonder if it is the same as these African Snake Hunter…

Before going into action, the hunter wrapped his hand with some thick animal skin. From the photo, it looks like fox skin but i doubt it is fox skin…=P


He then climbed into the snake hole.


Ah Ha! He found his prey, a female python guiding her nest


Snake: You are going to get me so easily


The hunter offered his hand to the snake!!!


Hunter: dude faster pull me out!!


Hunter: i am the MAN!!!


Finally, the hunters marched home with the catch of the day.
Hunter: Let’s have BBQ Snake meat and Snake Kut teh soup for dinner today

Bombing in London

The terrorist attacked London today just as soon as London was declared the venue for the 2012 Olympic host.
This is a report from Guardian

A series of explosions ripped through London’s transport system today as suspected terrorist attacks on tube trains and a bus plunged the capital into chaos.

At least two people are known to have been killed, and hundreds of wounded are being treated in London hospitals.

Officials shut down the whole of the London Underground system and the Docklands Light Railway, and also cancelled all central London bus services as they tried to comprehend the scale of the disaster.
The prime minister, Tony Blair, said it was “reasonably clear” that the blasts were the work of terrorists, and added that it was “particularly barbaric” that attacks had been timed to coincide with the start of the G8 summit. He said he would leave Gleneagles, in Scotland, to return to London.

With the leaders of the G8 nations lined up behind him, Mr Blair said: “We condemn utterly these barbaric attacks.

“All of our countries have suffered from terrorism …we are united in our resolve to confront and defeat this terrorism that is not an attack on one nation but on all nations and on civilised society everywhere,” he said.

He insisted the G8 leaders would continue their discussions and would not allow the terrorists to halt a summit aimed at helping the world’s poorest people.

The home secretary, Charles Clarke, confirmed that there had been four blasts: one on a tube train between Aldgate and Liverpool Street, one on a train between Russell Square and King’s Cross, one on a train at Edgware Road station, and the last on a bus at Tavistock Square.
He told the Commons in an emergency statement: “The situation is developing, and I am not yet in a position to give a conclusive account of all that has happened.”

Earlier, the Metropolitan police commissioner, Sir Ian Blair, reported seven explosions. “We are concerned that this is a coordinated attack,” Sir Ian said.

The only attack visible to the general public was that on the double-decker bus. A bomb ripped the bus apart at Tavistock Square, near Russell Square, leaving its seats exposed and the roof blown away.
Union officials said they had received reports of two more bus explosions, but police did not confirm those reports.
Coordinated attacks across London

The police and government did not say who had carried out the attacks.

However, BBC Monitoring said it had found a website carrying a brief statement in which an al-Qaida-related organisation claimed responsibility for today’s blasts.

Police said two people had been killed in the explosion at Aldgate, and an unknown number had died at Edgware Road.

A policeman at the scene of the bus explosion at Tavistock Square said people had been killed there, and the ambulance service spoke of “a number” of fatalities.

Sir Ian said there had been many casualties, but would not give estimates of the numbers of people involved. He said the most seriously injured were currently being operated on.

Both Sir Ian and Mr Clarke urged people to stay at home until further notice, telling them not go into central London. People currently working in the centre of the capital are being advised to stay where they are.

“We are gradually bringing order to the city. Just stay where you are for the time being until the situation clears,” he said.

Hospitals deal with horrific injuries

Julian Nettle, of St Mary’s hospital, said the hospital was dealing with four people with critical injuries, including the loss of limbs, and eight people with serious injuries including head wounds.

He said a further 14 people were being treated for more minor injuries including temporary hearing loss, which he said appeared to have been caused by involvement in an explosion.

The Royal London hospital said it had treated 95 people, including seven with critical injuries.

Laura Matthews, a press officer at Universities UK, which has offices in Tavistock Square, said she had seen bodies lying around the bus explosion, some of them without arms or legs. “Get people down here quickly,” she sobbed. She thought a bomb had gone off and was trying to evacuate her office.

“We believe there have been a number of fatalities and a number of people who are seriously injured,” a policeman at the scene said.
Union officials said sources had told them there had been at least one explosive device on the Underground. British Transport police initially said power surges had caused explosions across the network.

The blasts began just before 9am, as commuters made their way to work.

Emergency services attended to wounded passengers outside Aldgate station, and there were reports of passengers covered in soot emerging from King’s Cross. Commuters came out of tunnels covered in blood.

A passenger on the train that exploded at Edgware Road said he had seen several bodies in the wreckage, the Press Association reported.
A Scotland Yard source said the force would be setting up a casualty bureau with a telephone number for people to call if they were worried about loved ones.

Downing Street emergencies committee meets Mr Clarke said the public would be kept updated on the situation. He confirmed there had been “terrible injuries” in the explosions across the capital.

Speaking outside 10 Downing Street soon after the blasts, he said the Cobra civil emergencies committee of senior ministers had met.

The police had taken “operational command” of the situation, he added.
“Health services are in support to deal with the terrible injuries that there have been, and I want to express sympathy on behalf of the whole government,” he said.

‘There were loads of people screaming’

Eyewitness Belinda Seabrook said she saw the explosion rip though the double-decker bus as it approached Tavistock Square, between Euston and Russell Square stations.

“I was on the bus in front and heard an incredible bang. I turned round and half the double-decker bus was in the air,” she said.

Simon Corvett, 26, from Oxford, was on the eastbound train leaving Edgware Road tube station when an explosion happened.

“All of sudden there was this huge bang. It was absolutely deafening and all the windows shattered. The glass did not actually fall out of the windows, it just cracked. The train came to a grinding halt and everyone fell off their seats,” he said.

Mr Corvett, who works in public relations, said the commuter train was absolutely packed. “There were just loads of people screaming and the carriages filled with smoke.

“You couldn’t really breathe and you couldn’t see what was happening. The driver came on the Tannoy and said ‘We have got a problem, don’t panic’,” he said.

Mr Corvett, whose face was covered in soot, joined other passengers to force open the train doors with a fire extinguisher. He said the carriage on the other track was destroyed. “You could see the carriage opposite was completely gutted. There were some people in real trouble.”

Eyewitnesses reported “multiple casualties” at Liverpool Street. A spokesman for the Airport Express Alliance, which operates the Heathrow Express, Gatwick Express and Stansted Express train services said: “They are operating on injured people on the concourse at Liverpool Street station.”

One witness who had been in a train at the time of the explosions reported seeing “bodies everywhere” in the carriages and limbs lying on the floor. Emergency services reported several injuries.

The shutdown of the London Underground system is thought to be unprecedented.

Public told to avoid London

The public were warned to stay clear of London for non-essential journeys. A Network Rail spokesman said southbound services into the capital were terminating at Watford, with no onward bus transfers.
“Some trains are being cancelled and others are getting as far as Watford,” he said. “The message we are trying to get across to passengers is don’t travel if you don’t have to.”

Mr Clarke said the Tube network would remain closed for some time, and certainly for the rest of the day.

News of the explosions caused the FTSE 100 index of leading shares to plunge by more than 200 points.

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It’s very terrifying to me when all those places were the places that i frequent in London. It is more terrifying when those places are where my uncles offices are. I hope they are okay. So far they have not contact me yet. I pray for their safety and well being….

Continue reading Bombing in London

I HAVE A PARANG IN MY CAR!

As you all already know, xes is doing dock brief for his legal aid duty and i have been assigned to Legal Aid Clinic. My duty is to ascertain whether or not the client is qualify for free legal service and to give legal advise. I had met quite a few interesting clients although i had only done this twice.

Case 1
A man walked in with his wife and son. The man cried in the center because he did not have to raise enough money for the bail.
” Please help me! I only have RM1000. I don’t have enough money for my bail. Can you go to the court now and ask the judge for discount ar…”
“Mr, the least the judge is gonna give is RM2000 lar.”
“NO!!!! Help me plz!!!”
“….”
“Can the Bar Council lend me RM1000 ar? I promise that i will pay back.”
“Cannot lar”
“Plz lar…look at my son, so young…i really don’t want to go jail lar. I am innocent lar.”

Too bad, the Bar Council don’t have the policy of lending money to client. I told him to go back and try to raise any RM1000. In the meantime, i will get the dock brief people to mitigate for a lower bail on his behalf. Sadly, i was told last friday that that man went to jail anyway.

Case 2
A chinese man walked into the clinic, asking for legal aid.
“Mr, how can i help you?” i asked.
“I HAVE A PARANG (machete) BEHIND MY CAR!” he said loudly.
WTF! I almost dropped my pen when i heard that.

Case 3
A businessman walked into the clinic.
“Mr, how can i help you?”
“hahahahhaha….hahahhahahaha.”
Oh no!!! Nut case!
“eeer…Mr?”
“It’s my indon worker lar. He went missing for 2 weeks. We made a police report. You know what?”
“what?”
“The police was looking high and low for him and they cannot find him because he was in the lockup!….hahahahahhahaha.”
“OH MY GOd…hahahahhahaha…”
“So…hahahhaha…so…hahahhaha, i think Bar Council should do something about this lar…hahahhaha”
“Ok..hehe”
“But i want you guys to know that he is no longer my employee now. His contract had been terminated upon him been caught for a criminal offence.”
“oooh, he is a legal lar”
“Ya, he has permit to work for us. BTW, he is in Sungai Buloh Prison now…hahahahhahaha…and the damn police cannot find him!…hahahahhaha.”
“Mr, you are really kind lar. You help your ex employee although he went missing for 2 weeks for no reason.”
“No lar. This the right thing to do, for the sake of humanities.”
What a noble employer. I RESPECT YOU, MR. C.

Picture of the day

WHOA!!! A BOWLING BALL!!!

Nick’s Birthday

Ladies and Gentleman,
This is Nick. One of my best buddy from A-level days. Nick is my fellow Man Utd fan, my ex sleeping partner in class, my ponteng kaki, sometimes my cybercafe kaki, sometimes my clubbing kaki and always will be my football kaki.

We celebrated Nick’s belated birthday on Friday (26/4/2005). Instead of having dinner at boring, pretentious western food restaurant, we had sea food, the china man style in Klang.

Yee Ming brought two bottles of white wine. The white wine went exceptionally well with the crabs…yummy!!!
But, looks like Nick enjoyed prawns more than crabs

Nick: shut up, i am trying to focus here
Then Nick showed us, how good he was at peeling prawns’ skins.

waaaaa…so fast!!! aaaaaaaah…my eyes!!!
Then we headed down to Zouk because Nick my Man here had 30 invitations to Cleo Bachelor of the year party.

That was us in the car on our way to Zouk.
WTF! Yee Ming, keep your eyes on the road, not the camera.Unfortunately, our night in Zouk was quite uneventful. Pretty boring if u ask me.

Inside Zouk
We were definately not very pleased.

CJ and me, not very pleased

Nick and Yee ming, stoned due to the boredom
Happy Birthday Nick…you’re the man-bitch that every man want to have as a buddy. =P

The man who invented mobile phone

Mobile Phone, a necessity of our life. I feel naked if I forgot to bring my mobile phone with me. However, how many of us know who invented the phone. Below is an article written by Jano Gibson
———————————————————————-
Meet the man who invented the mobile
By Jano Gibson


Dr Martin Cooper with the first mobile phone that he invented

It was April 3, 1973. Richard Nixon was in power, Elton John was top
of the pop charts and a bloke by the name of Martin Cooper was about
to make a phone call that would change the world.

Cooper worked for what was then a little-known company called Motorola

and he had just developed the world’s first “hand-held cellular
telephone”.

“It was huge,” recalls Cooper, who was in Sydney this week to address
a communications conference.

“The phone weighed almost two kilos – it was about the size of a
brick.” If that sounds prehistoric, so too was the phone’s power
efficiency.

“The battery lasted somewhere between 10 and 20 minutes. But that
didn’t matter very much because you could only hold it up to your ear
for 10 minutes before your arm got tired,” he says.

Cooper knew the first call he ever made on that state-of-the-art phone
would be a moment of history.

So who did he call on that April day from a Manhattan street corner?
He rang the communications Joel Engel, the head of research at Bell
Labs, an arms of the telecommunications giant AT&T – Motorola’s direct
competitor – to let them know he had beaten them in the race to make
the first mobile phone.

“It was one of the more chilling conversations that I’ve ever held.
These people at AT&T could not understand how a little upstart, a tiny
company like Motorola, would dare to tell them, the largest company in
the world, how to run their business.

“I thought I heard some gnashing of teeth in the background,” jokes
Cooper.

At the time, the thought millions of people around the world owning
their own mobile seemed like a pipe dream to Cooper.

“Keep in mind that the first [mobile] telephone cost millions of
dollars to make. Ten years later we produced the first commercial
phones and those phones sold for US$4000 [$A5180], which would be
closer to US$10,000 or US$15,000 today.

“So the idea of having a billion and a half people having cell phones
– some of which are literally given to them for nothing – was a really
long reach.”

And is there ever a time when the man who made the mobile wants to
tell mobile phone users to shut up?

“It depends whether they are being rude or not. If they’re talking quietly and they are benefiting from that phone call, I feel very
proud because I think people’s lives have been improved.”

Note: This article was originally published in Melbourne Age / Sydney Morning Herald

Another Salesman

On Thursday (14/4/2005), while i was having my break outside my office. A salesman approached me.
“Tai Gor (Big Brother or Boss in Cantonese), how are you today?”
I looked left and right, thought that he was speaking to another people
Salesman(S): “Tai Gor, i am over here lar”
Me (F): “ooooooooooh”
S: “Tai Gor, are you free ar?”
F: “No”
S: “Tai Gor, can you answer some survey for me ar?”
F: “No”
S: “Comon, just one question only.”
F:”…..”
S: “Have you ever hurt a Woman?”
F: “Huh?”
S: “Have you ever hurt a Woman?”
F: “HUH!!!”
S: “Have you ever HEARD of WOMAN?”
(It was raining heavily so i didn’t hear him correctly)
F:”What?”
Then he took out, a perfume from a his bag. The perfume’s brand name is call Woman.
F: “oooooooooooh”
S: “How much do u think this perfume cost?”
F: “Don’t know”
S: “Can i spray some on you?”
F: “Please don’t. My boss hate cheap perfume smell.”
(I was actually scare that his perfume is actually some kind of black magic spray that might hypnotise me)
S: “Do you think RM180.00. Is that too expensive for this perfume.”
F: “yes”
S: “What about RM 48.90?”
F: “Expensive.”
S: “Rm 48.90 wor?”
F: “Expensive lar.”
S: “It was RM 180 now going for RM48 wor?”
F: “Expensive lar.”
S: “Ok, thank you.”
He finally left me alone and walked off to another building in the rain. It’s tough being a salesman especially if your potential client (victim) was stone and not very responsive.